Last Friday Night
by redvelvetjade
Summary: "I cant breathe when you're gone don't know what to do now, the best of me is lost in a memory and it's all kinds of Wrong without you". Sometimes the past isn't better left in the past. How do you get back lost memories? How do you let go of memories to painful to be forgotten? Questions without answers can the answers be found?
1. Chapter 1 High Maintenance Part One

**Last Friday Night**

**High Maintenance Part One**

**Sam's p o v**

**[ A/N if I owned iCarly why would I be writing fanfiction? I would be rich and out partying with Miranda and Jennette and not wasting time writing about their made up lives ..since I don't all glory goes to the million dollar man Dan Schneider..and Nickelodeon. Lyrics [ in bold] to broken are by Seether and Amy Lee. Lyrics to High Maintenance by Miranda Cosgrove and her writing team. ] **

'**Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough**

'**Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away **

"_Cupcake Calm Down_

_Calm down Sam how am I suppose to calm down! Are you serious? _

_How can you just sit there ? We have to do something!_

_There's got to be a way out of here _

_Oh my god I can't breathe!_

_I need air! Oh-my-god _

_There goes my life_ _how could I be so stupid!_

_Why didn't I just say no!_

_Oh wait I DID!_

_Of course you didn't listen did you?_

_No Sam you had to have your fun!_

_God why do I let you talk me into these things how do I let you get away with this chiz!_

_How do I fall for these Ridiculous plans of yours? _

_I know it's wrong I know it's going to end badly of course cause it always ends badly!_

_Yet somehow I still let you talk me into this! The worst part is I always regret it always!_

_The whole time I'm freaking out_

_I can see how it will end flashing lights embarrassing stares whispered rumors _

_Spencer flipping out my life down the drain _

_I can kiss college good-bye I'll never be a host of my own TV show I'll never..._

_Oh my god shut-up Carly_

_Shut-up Sam how can you tell me to shut-up aren't you even concerned?_

_Were in jail!_

I had enough she was pacing around like a mad person arms flapping hair flying she was bawling as she ranted and raved hyperventilating breathing short and fast. All night that's all she did ..I got it she was scared after all good girl Carly Shay never got so much as a parking ticket or got caught jay-walking.

Now here she was sitting next to me in a tiny jail cell which was over heated she was scared but I didn't need to hear it anymore my head hurt, my stomach hurt my whole body felt sore and bruised. I was beyond exhausted worst of all her was her constant ranting that I was too blame when in truth I had no idea what had happened.

It was more then a little scary I mean I know I end up behind bars more then most kids I know. I represent just one of the two million kids who are locked up every year and the cold hard truth is I spent more time behind bars then I do on the outs. The one thing I pride myself on though is that I always know why I end up here. Now I'm not saying I go around and brag it's not about street cred to me. I just knew what I had done no matter how drunk or high I got I always remembered what I did to earn my converted spot in Juvie but this time as hard as I tried I just couldn't rack it up why was I here? Why was Carly here? Was it really that bad? Was I really to blame?

What kind of person did this make me? Carly was the one person who had always shown me unconditional love always sheltered me, feed me, gave me free bed and clothes could I really be the one responsible for ripping her life to shreds . I never gave a chiz about anyone else I knew the rules of life. I just always chose to ignore them and live by my own terms. I liked to have fun and that to me meant breaking the rules. I wasn't blessed to have tons of people looking out for me so the few who gave a chiz I valued with my life I would never put Carly in danger. Did I though?

Carly was everything to me she was my mom since my real one was harden from a hard life your typical story she started hanging with the boys in her neighborhood when she was young she acted older talked older dressed older her mom worked all kinds of hours and left her on her own her dad was locked up since she was a little girl. By the time she was 14 she got knocked up her boyfriend a gang member who abused her and used her yet she still clung to him.

She had me and my twin sister Melanie on a bus with no money no insurance she didn't have two pennies to rub together for common sense. Now she had two babies to raise a job she didn't want. She wanted to party and drink , Mel got out she got a scholarship when she was young and she took off.

What did I get? Beatings, yelling, hunger pains, broken bones. So I took to the streets I learned to be tough. I learned that when you fall down you get back up with both fists swinging. I learned you push harder strike faster and never trust no one.

Then Carly came along she showed me I was worth being loved and I was good enough.

She took all the embarrassing moments and made them go away she taught me laughter and fun. She saved me from myself from my pain and anger.

She was the reason I knew that love existed. So the thought of hurting her killed me hearing her rant on and on about how her life was over made me feel real fear for her. I know where I am heading, I have

for a very long time . Carly she has a real chance at a real future she's smart really smart. If I hurt her I would never forgive myself, I had to get her mind off this track.

I kissed her long and hard she was shocked silent as her lips met mine with no resistance. Her hands which were in air free flapping now slowly wrapped around me as she loosened up kissing back pushing me down on the cold hard bench.

_Oh my god Sam_

I was breathless panting as she sat up eyes filled with tears her hands stroking my face my shirt was open as she stared in my eyes.

_I'm sorry cupcake I had to silence you_

_Sam were in jail you can't silence me or distract me_

_In actuality were in a holding cell we haven't been charged_

_Sam shut-up_

_Okay kiss me_

Carly's lips were soft she tasted like black cherry she smelled amazing like a piña -colada on a hot beach.

God I wished with everything in me that we were thousand of miles away. I wish last night never happened cause whatever happened had to be bad..how else did we end up here?

Carly's hands felt warm as they explored my cold shaken body my eyes scanned shocked to see there were no camera's . I could spot one miles away as my eyes adjusted I found it strange this didn't look like King's where I spent half my child-hood.

I gasped softly as Carly's hands now traveled the length of my legs.

_Oh baby_

_Yes cupcake?_

_I'm sorry_

Carly laid by me kissing my chest sucking on my neck she felt amazing.

_What are you sorry for?_

_Everything blaming you it's not your fault _

_What are you talking about?_

_Shay ..Puckett!_

We shot up startled looking up from the cold cement bench Carly jumped up looking scared. I got up lazily by her I already knew the routine.

_Kneel on the bench face against the wall hands behind your back_

_What are we.._

_Shh cupcake no talking_

She fell to her knee's tears falling. I wanted to comfort her and tell her it would be okay but I couldn't how could I? When I didn't even know why we were here? Or where we even were?

_Follow me single file say nothing to each other_

_Your lawyer will meet us up stairs_

Where is upstairs? Were we even in Seattle? How drunk was I? What had happened?

All I remembered was the feeling of Freedom it felt so right. Would I ever feel that feeling again?

They lead us down a hall it was so old and cold it smelled like rat decay and stale urine. It wasn't king's that I was sure of King's was all new, I knew every corner of that place.

The cuffs were cold and tight against my wrists they dug in my arms felt like they were being torn from being held so tight. The shackles made it hard to walk. I noticed Carly didn't have any but she walked like she did stiff and trembling. I wanted to hug her but I couldn't.

Inside the court room I saw Spencer looking stressed and worried he fell out of his seat as he saw us come inside. Did we really look that bad?

I took Carly in before me her black jeans were skin tight the darkness made her skin complexion pop out her short black and purple tee revealed her stomach since when did Carly dress like that? My eyes burned as they adjusted to the light. Her long dark hair was mattered and clung to her tear stained face her makeup was smeared she had dark circles under her eyes. I yawned feeling my body all stressed out trying to fight sleep.

_Sam Carly thank god!_

_No touching the accused sir_

Accused of what? God what did we do?

I looked to Spencer's right Freddie stood next to him looking beyond scared his face was ripe red and he looked rough like he hadn't slept in days his face was stubby. His mom stood by him pissed off arms crossed.

_I told you Fredward their no good _

_This is why you need me to pick your friends_

_I mean you have no taste son one's a fugitive one's on her way to being a s..._

_Mom shut-up_

_Order in the court !_

We took our seats by our lawyer who looked roughed up himself a full case docket I knew right away we were in trouble.

My hands burned when they took off the cuffs I couldn't hold Carly's they were watching. I saw her rub her hands . I wanted to kiss them massage them my own pain forgotten. We didn't have time to talk to our lawyer before the judge had us rise .

The usual banter arose he called on the prosecutor to read the accusations ..

_Grand theft auto .._

I vaguely remembered not being able to sleep and kicking Carly who got pissed at me.

_Driving on a suspended license _

_Driving across state lines_

_Bac of . 011Breaking and entering _

_Destruction of personal property_

_Assault and battery _

_Underage Possession and consumption of alcohol and illegal drugs_

_Drug paraphernalia _

_Leading officers on a high speed chase reckless driving _

I stopped listening who's charges were these? Mine? I can't believe I did all of this, Where did Carly fit into all of this? She sat by me looking down as tears fell in rapid succession. I sighed was she that scared for me? Cause hearing all these charges sure scared me . How drunk was I? How many state lines did I cross? Why did my body hurt so bad? I felt like I had died and been resurrected couldn't these idiots let me rot in peace? Why wake me? I wanted to reach over and hold Carly kiss her take away her pain and fear didn't she know that she would be free and clear as soon as the police cleared her? I mean she was just my passenger she didn't do anything they weren't charging her as a _accessory_ were they? She was innocent I was guilty I should do the time not her...

**I can't sleep, I keep you up all night  
I know sometimes I get a bit uptight  
So what if I break a few glasses  
Kick a few asses  
You know I'm worth it **

**Shout-outs and a million thanks to everyone who reviewed my stories in the past virtual hugs and kisses to all of you for rocking! **


	2. Chapter 2 Waking Up

**Waking Up**

**Sam's p o v**

**[Saturday Morning]**

**[ Lyrics by Katty Perry Last Friday Night TGIF}**

" **There's a stranger in my bed"**

"**There's a pounding in my head'**

_O-h o-h o...h_

Everything blurred as the room spun and spun . My stomach felt like I had swallowed a load of bricks my mouth felt dry and tasted of stale nastiness. Where was I?

Squinting all I saw was spots, the minute I tried to move fire shout through me , no good . I lay back trying to get my breathing under control.

_Sam_

Someone's voice filled my ears who's was it? My throat was dry and rough as I tried to clear it to talk.

_Who's there?_

I finally managed to get it croaked out god this was slightly embarrassing . I wanted to do nothing more then close my eyes make the pounding go away but curiosity burned at me. Who was this person?

_Your awake? Yay!_

She clapped happily oh god who the hell was this? Perky about being up at...what the heck time was it?

_I've been waiting me and Mr..._

Oh god how drunk was I? I blinked feeling the pounding getting worse now I was starting to see things. This was making me sick to my stomach.

_Mr. Snuggles and I have been waiting forever and ever and ever and.._

_Oh Shut-up!_

I screamed as she was bouncing up and down on the bed making my sudden illness thirty times worse. Plus her constant chatting was worse then nails on a chalk board.

_Mr. snuggles and I wanna play_

Why was she holding what seemed to be a giant panda? Why was there glitter all over the room? The

whole dang room was sliver and pink and gold glitter, It was blinding me.

Slowly I tried to get up who was this girl? Why was my whole body hurting?

Was that a pink flamingo in the pool?

Wait who's pool was that ? Oh my head hurt worse , my neck was tight .

_Bounce, Bounce wee! I like to bouncy! Did I tell you all about the time my brother ate my.._

_Ah..._

I jumped up which was a big mistake my shaky legs were so weak. I was sure they would give out. I crashed to the floor hard. Let me just lay there for awhile I thought to myself . What was that smell it reeked..oh wait chiz..the mini bar was me..

I needed a shower bad..

_My brother once stole_

_Oh Shut-up_

I grabbed a dresser pulling myself up ..why was I so cold? Everything was still blurring ..my legs were shaking..I needed a mirror how awful did I really look if it was as bad as I felt, I was in trouble something squeaked. I screamed startled as I almost tripped deep breath. I told myself keep breathing deep as I felt my way around kids were passed out the room was huge and trashed , beer bottles wine coolers , captain jack bottles were broken and tossed all over it smelled like stale weed and booze in here.

Slowly I hobbled across the room seeing the door come into view.

_Did I tell you about the time I ate a whole pound of.._

_Oh for the love of fat cakes shut-up already _

_Well you don't have to be mean!_

_Ah..._

I screamed not just out of frustration but out of fear as I fell twisting my ankle.

Now everything hurt even more ..this day just couldn't get any worse a pain shot through my butt..did psycho panda hit me with a tennis racket?

_Ha that's what you get for being a meany_

With that she bounced off I buried my head in my hands . Everything in me protested getting up but I

pushed myself even against the pain and fire in my body.

Somehow I got up grabbing on to some kind of wooden object turning it over .

I saw blurry that it was a mirror oh god what the hell had happened? So many questions.

Why was I naked? Was that a bruise or a hickey on my neck? Where was I? Who was that frigging stranger in my bed? Was that a D.J passed out in the yard? Why was that window open? Could anybody see?

Did anybody know what had happened? How could I get there? Where was Carly? Freddie I had to find somebody. I needed a shower bad..I needed to pee. Where the heck was the bathroom? Where were my clothes?

Fumbling I crawled onto the floor . Someone's smelly sock gross, someone's half eaten cookie..breakfast yum..a bit stale but it worked ..finally my phone. I sat down head in between my knee's feeling like I was going to pass out or puke . My hands were shaking as I went through my purse getting my cell ..flipping my pear phone open . I scanned through everything where had these pictures come from?

Carly and I on table tops dancing drinks in hands pictures of Carly and I naked..making love..I shivered

I couldn't remember last night. But I felt her kisses on my naked body like a cool breeze on a hot summer's day. I felt her minty tequila laced breath her gentle touch. I wanted more then anything to kiss her gorgeous body ..where was she? I flipped through the pics..me and Carly and a whole slew of kids.

My purse was filled with receipts god did we buy out the whole town? Did we have even money left?

Pictures of us outside bars ..on the boulevard we were streaking in the park. w.t.f skinny dripping a pool? Who were these other kids? Why was my memory so blurry? Who were these credit cards from? I didn't own them them I knew Carly didn't ..keys fell out they weren't mine? What car was I sitting in? It was a Ferrari ..where did I get it from? Oh chiz did I steal it?

Why was there a downloading signal on my cell? My eyes squinted they burned bad sliding my finger over it I came to the screen that said.

Pictures uploaded to splash-face successfully..oh lord what the hell?

My stomach felt sick I needed a ginger-ale I needed to find Carly ..my dress lay in shards across the floor. Nothing made sense I needed Carly bad.

**There's a stranger in my bed,  
There's a pounding my head  
Glitter all over the room  
Pink flamingos in the pool  
I smell like a minibar  
DJ's passed out in the yard  
Barbie's on the barbeque**

There's a hickey or a bruise  
Pictures of last night  


**Ended up online  
I'm screwed  
Oh well  
It's a black top blur  
But I'm pretty sure it ruled**


	3. Chapter 3 Jade's Rampage

**Friday Night**

**Tori's p o v**

**Jade's Rampage **

_B..e..c..k_

_Dang it where are you? Answer me Beck!_

_Oh tell me I didn't just see what I think I see!_

_Make that a double oh no cause if your seeing what I am seeing then were in trouble_

Andre Harris turned to look at me as we stood by our lockers watching while Jade West tore through our high school looking for our friend Beck Oliver.

_20 bucks on her killing Beck before 1st period_

_No way man I'll bet my whole allowance on him not living past homeroom_

_You fro real?_

_Yea man_

Robbie Shapiro stuck out his hand and shock with Andre.

_Oh my god you two are sick how can you two bet on if he dies? _

_Dude come on he obliviously did something stupid to piss off Jade_

_I know what he did!_

Cat Valentine came bouncing on a pair of polka sticks

_How do you know what he did?_

_Easy_

_Easy?_

_Yea this reminds me of the time my brother told my mom that he thought.._

_Cat!_

_Hi..Wee..Bouncy bouncy bouncy Polka sticks are fun!_

_Cat.._

_Hi.._

_Uh yea we covered that part Cat _

_We did?_

_Yes!_

_Kay-Kay_

_Cat.._

_Bye-Bye Guys.._

Cat bounded off I sighed leaning against my locker. Closing my eyes it was beyond time for spring break to start..how many more hours till school was out? I groaned as I glanced at the clock.

_So what are we going to do tonight Andre?_

_I don't know stay in watch a dvd eat popcorn_

_Nah we've been doing that all year we need some action I'm tired of sitting at home hearing Trina whine about how unfair it is that she didn't get the role._

_Did anybody stop to tell her cause it could possibly be cause she has no real talent?_

_Uh would you like to be the one that tells my sister she has zero talent? _

_You mean other then annoying people? Uh no I like living!_

_Point taken _

_That's the bell Later Harris_


	4. Chapter 4 Is it Friday yet?

**Is It Friday Yet?**

**Tori's p o v**

" _Acting is all about _

_Beck!_

_Jade how nice of you to join us_

_Shut it Psycho_

_It's Sikowitz_

_I said that! Where's Beck!_

_Not here now sit down_

_No I need to find.._

Slam the door closed so hard it shock the walls . Everyone looked at each other shrugging.

_I hate to be Beck when she finds him _

Andre commented as we watched Jade leave and start to scream in the halls.

_I'm going to gauge your eyes out Beck Oliver!_

_Ah the feel of young love how I don't miss those days_

Mr. Sikowitz shock his head as we heard Jade yelling in the hall.

_Your not the only one Tori_

_Maybe you should talk to her_

_Me? Why me she hates me!_

_It's not nice to hate my mom always says_

_Cat stop bouncing and stop yapping_

_W-h-y I like to b-o-u-n-c-e_

Cat kept it up as we felt the earth moving.

_Hey Cat_

_Yea_

_I think you need some more height_

_Huh-Ah!_

Andre shoved Cat so hard she fell off the sticks and flew straight into Jade who had come back into the room.

_Aw chiz – balls_

Andre's eyes got wide as Jade turned pissed off.

_Who knocked into me?_

_Robbie run now!_

_Why should I..._

_He did it Jade!_

Andre pointed to Robbie who looked scared.

_Run Robbie Run_

_Yea dude Run like Forrest_

Robbie's arms flew up as Jade's screams tore through the air we squashed ourselves against the wall. Jade started to chase him.

_Uh do you think that was wise Andre? I mean Robbie isn't the sharpest tool in the shed_

_Ah he'll be fine as long as Rex doesn't give him up..._

**2:30 pm**

_Oh I'm so glad that's over he's insane who gives homework on a Friday?_

_Yea not to mention 100 pages is he on drugs? _

_I don't know just one question though_

_What's that ? _

_Is it Friday yet? _

_Cause I feel like I just went through a whole week but he makes me think it's Monday_

_I don't know but I really just want to go home curl up with a book and a fireplace_

_Oh shoot now who's texting me?_

**Half hour later**

_How did we end up here?_

_Cause someone decided to sacrifice our friend to the wicked witch of the west_

_Now he's held up hiding in this club _

_How did he end up in a club?_

_I don't know okay_

_Lets find him and get out_

Andre sighed but followed me into the club which was packed music was blaring so loud the whole building was shaking.

I screamed as the 5th person crashed into me while we tried to squirm our way into the packed club.

_Well that was rude!_

_Excuse me I need that arm!_

Andre grabbed me suddenly

_Is that Jade? _

_No way it can't be_

I looked up to see Jade dancing on a table top beyond plastered Andre and I looked at each other.

_I call Robbie you get uh.._

_Hey wait how did I get Jade?_

_Cause I like living!_

_And I hate my life?_

_Andre! Wait Andre don't leave me.._

Too late he was gone in through the crowd as I was left to look at Jade who was dressed in a skimpy black and violet halter top skinny black jeans her belly showing which let her diamond ring glitter from her navel.

Her long black hair flowed as she danced wild and sexy people were surrounding her cheering her and

clapping the guys were all trying to rub against her.

How did I get stuck with the meanest girl in school?

_Come any closer and I'll torch your hair_

_Jade was that really called for?_

_I mean it Vega I'll drop kick you into the next galaxy_

_Jade can you stop dancing? _

_Can you stop being such a loser?_

_When you stop being a total bi.._

_Ah..._

Someone shoved me straight into Jade.

_Kiss her!_

_Kiss her!_

_What..I ..will_

Before I could respond I felt Jade grab me and kiss me hard. I have to admit it ..I kinda liked it.

_Vega what the bump are you doing?_

Before my lips could even dry I was flying through the air as Jade's eyes burned with anger.

_Me!_

I squeaked out

_You kissed me!_

_As if that would ever happen there's not enough alcohol in the world to make me kiss you Vega!_

_Well you did you pulled me on the table and smacked your lips against mine..like this.._

Grabbing her shirt I pulled her close kissing her hard. I had to know for sure.

The first kiss had been awkward to say the least it was so sudden but I hadn't felt turned off in fact my lips had that tingling feeling like pins and needles. It wasn't a bad feeling I quite enjoyed it but I needed to know for sure.

Jade was shocked into silence as her lips were unexpectedly parted by the invasion of my tongue. She tried pushing me back but I held her strong using my right knee to shove between her legs . She stumbled not wanting to fall 5 feet she grabbed me hard so hard my shirt ripped. I felt her lips push harder against mine. Her tongue begging access. I couldn't resist playing with her making her work

hard for entrance which when she was finally granted permission she moaned as my whole inside tingled with excitement and pleasure.

_Go_ _Tori!_

_Go Jade!_

I fought the urge to scream as she shoved me down hard on the table.

Some guy brought over a shot glass which the waiter poured over Jade's body she squealed as she wiggled her body ..

_Oh yea Vega lick it off!_

_What..I.._

_Ah.._

Someone cracked a bottle over my head alcohol poured down me. I tried to shake it off but it just dripped down on me before I could even blink to see straight. Jade had ripped my shirt the rest of the way open. Her tongue was tracing down my neck which sent me into fits of giggles.

_Come on Vega lick me back_

_Get off of me_

_I don't ..I'm.._

_Shut-up and drink Vega_

_Boys!_

Andre's eyes went wide as he saw what was going on Robbie was clapping as two shirtless guys with abs to kill for came up with shots.

_Drink up or I will kill you Vega_

Jade's eyes blazed with anger making me fear for my life she was wild like a lion hungry for prey. I suddenly swallowed realizing I was her prey.

_Ow_

I squeaked as Jade grabbed a shot glass shoving it in my mouth the warm liquid burned my throat bad. I gagged but Jade's mouth covered mine making gagging impossible.

The pumping music the shots the warmth of Jade's body pressed to close to me it did something to me.

My chest felt tight from lack of oxygen I was near passing out but I was afraid of Jade killing me if

I passed out so I fought to stay awake.

_Let's go Vega_

_G..o..w..h..e..r..e_

_Ah..._

She pulled me off the table she stumbled but the guys grabbed her as I hit the floor with a thud. I muttered a few ow's and cusses. Rubbing my skin Andre looked at me full of pity, I mouthed help me he shrugged.


	5. Chapter 5 Boulevard

**Boulevard **

**Tori's p o v**

Even in the late April evening the night air was bitter cold after the hot stuffy booze filled air we had just inhabited.

_Jade where are you going?_

_Like you care Vega_

_I wouldn't be chasing you if I didn't care _

_Well that's just so nice to know that somewhere in there you moderately care about me it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. _

_You hate warm and fuzzy_

_That's right I do_

She whirled around pointing at me, I stopped cold swallowing she inched closer and closer to me god she was plastered she reeked of booze and weed. It started to gag me.

_Jade what are_

_Shush Vega you hear that?_

She pointed wildly around. I looked at her what was I suppose to be hearing? It sounded like every other city in the world noisy and smokey.

_Are you stupider then a bunny chasing a fox?_

_Huh?_

_Listen for god sakes Tori_

_Wait you called me .._

_I know what I called you _

She danced wildly along the sidewalks arms waving and spinning in wide circles. The moonlight made her look elegant like a rare black diamond her cheekbones held high her long black hair flowing in crimps and waves. Long purple and blue streaks ran down her hair making her give a almost eerie glow to her.

_Jade be careful or you'll get hurt_

_What do you care Vega? I'm your worst enemy_

_Okay fine I don't give a damn I'm just not going to clean up the blood_

_Aw is prudy wittle Vega afraid of getting dirty?_

_No it's just gross_

_Well thanks for your deeply rooted concern for my well being_

_Yea anytime West_

She shoved me laughing as she spun around and around sighing as I felt my eyes roll.

_Jade you really need to come inside_

_Inside why would I go INSIDE?_

_Not when I can do this!_

She jumped on the hood of a expensive car. I looked around scared something was going to come and whack us.

_Jade get down!_

I hissed

_N-o w-a-y Vega_

_Not so loud Jade_

_Why is Tori afraid she gonna be whacked off by some hood?_

_Toughen up Vega it's La!_

_The city of Life!_

She jumped up and down spinning and laughing like crazy.

_Jade your going to ruin the car_

_Now how do you suppose I'm gonna do that? [Southern accent]_

_Jade I don't talk like that I don't have a Southern tang_

_Well I reckon ya surely do_

_No I don't! Come down here!_

I reached for her but she sideswiped me .

I fell straight into a puddle which of course she found downright hysterical so much so she fell on the roof of the car flat on to her stomach. I felt my whole face spread a evil grin before I could chicken out I leaped up pulling her down with me the scream I got was electrifying.

_Run Vega Run Now!_

She didn't have to scream twice. I took off like a bat out of hell I was running so fast I couldn't even see where I was going but I felt her on me. Her eyes beaming through my back. Damn this girl was fast run Vega run the words ran through my head what would Jade do if she caught me? The possibilities scared me.

Just keep pumping legs lungs hold on cars blasted me as I ran into the middle of traffic some guys whistled too bad I was running for my life they were cute.

My breathing was labored and fast it felt like a semi truck was attached to my lungs. With the gasping and wheezing as I whirled around the corner. I was lucky to not trip and fall. Finally I got to a clearing, I didn't see her anywhere around. I leaned against a wall totally ready to drop sliding down I looked all around to make sure I didn't see anyone. Coughing heaving as I tried to control myself.

After what seemed like hours when in reality it was only minutes. I opened my eyes terrified she would be there out for blood but to my shock she wasn't. Grinning amazed by the fact that I had outrun Jade West.

Slowly but steady I got up legs shaking as I held onto the building and wall. I headed out blinking from the sudden brightness of the night sky. Which was lined with millions of twinkling stars and a full moon the ocean gleamed a clear crystal blue where the heck was I?

I gasped no way how did I get all the way to Santa Monica Pier chiz how much did I drink? I didn't remember anything like that.

Shaking my head I yawned and headed out further the sidewalk was full of people dressed in so many variety of styles. Music blasted from every corner all styles all beats.

Kids skated along ramps half pipes break dancers performed trying to earn money and singers were on every corner strumming guitars and banging drums . Some were paired with dancers, there were jugglers, magicians. People walked hand in hand some were kissing and cuddling. I loved walking down here the energy was so contiguous so positive. No hate the feel of it just made me want to jump on the cars and start singing there were couples in every gender size and color. No judgment at all unlike back in La.

Finally exhausted I collapsed on a bench my eyes were so heavy I wanted to die right there. Why did she do that?

Why Jade ? Why did you have to kiss me? Why did I have to like it? What did it all mean? Would she even remember? Uh I was so confused and hungry. My stomach growled stretching out I saw a vender yes I was hungry yet not wanting to get up I tried willing food to come to me.

No success I got up taking in the sites a group of kids hanging out on the corner debating over going to

a club or movie another group skating a young man in his late 20's early 30's walking a dog jamming to his mp3 player. A group of young women shopping at zoomie's one of the hottest fashion stores.

Laughing and blushing a drag queen preformed her routine a block over drawing a crowd two guys holding hands set on a bench by the vender. Couples walked on the beach my eyes adjusted to the moon as it cascaded over almost covering a pair of teenager girls cuddled on the beach arms wrapped around each other as they kissed they looked so in love. I smiled they made it look so easy ..could it be? Shouldn't it be?

So why did this feel so..

_Tori Vega! Get your dead carcase out here!_

Panic seized through me did she see me? Looking around I found a Ferrari parked by the meter quickly I jumped inside the backseat ducking and praying.

It was dark and cold and stuffy but I stayed still and quiet praying she wouldn't find me. The floor was tighter then sardines packed in a box my limbs begged for movement and air but I was afraid to try and move.

Suddenly air filled my deprived lungs and I gulped in quietly.

_o..h..g..o..d Carl's do...n..'t st..o..p.._

_Shh Sam you don't have to ah..._

I could barley stop myself from screaming as the bodies of two girls fell on the backseat in full passion mode.

I scrunched up against the front seat trying to stay hidden as their moaning and groaning did something to my lower half a wet sensation that I couldn't explain. I bit my lip as a shirt from the lowered girl flew off covering me. It took everything in me not to gag it was sick. Smelling like sweat no perfume her groans didn't help or the smack of her sweat soaked ponytail as she threw her head back allowing her girlfriend to place her mouth over her right breast which my eyes couldn't help but take in she wasn't by any means huge but her breasts were full and looked very juicy. Wait since when did I notice these things about girls? Stop it Vega stop these thoughts!

_Oh god uh,,don't stop oh god! _

The lowered girls hands gripped her partners butt firmly which seemed to please her why did their voices sound so familiar?

_You okay cupcake?_

_Yes I just I need _

_What does_ _cupcake need momma will provide?_

_This...you..never..stop_

The top girl was kissing her partner's neck sucking loudly as her shirt was removed their hands wandered over each others bodies freely.

_Aw geez again can't you just get a hotel room?_

The car door slammed panic filled my head what was going on? Maybe jumping in a car wasn't a smart move. A boy's voice filled the car he sounded frustrated grossed out.

_Look nub _

The top girl spoke out rather pissed off as she sat up straddling the lower girl who's hands were now on her friend's thighs.

_No one asked you to come so shut up and drive_

_Yea no one told you to steal a car either Sam but you did and now were here_

_On the run by the way to cover your stupidly_

_Oh you know what Freddie feel free to leave we didn't ask you to come_

_Ah!_

Light flooded the car I sunk down further into a ball both girls quickly grabbed clothes chiz no not the shirt I clung to it my refugee.

_Ew cover up_

_Turn off the light_

_Were trying to turn it off turn around_

_Where's my shirt Sam?_

_I don't know Carl's ..I threw it on the floor_

_Great Sam thanks_

_Sorry I was kind of occupied_

Her voice was low and seductive.

_Let me look_

The girl I identified as Sam grumbled

_Here cover yourself cupcake_

She gave her what looked like a hoodie from my limited view.

_Thanks Sam _

_Sure hun_

She grunted as she reached around the floor moving all kinds of objects.

_Turn the light on Freddie I'm covered_

_You sure Carl's?_

_Yea I'm good_

Chiz the light blinded me

_Got it!_

Sam yanked on the shirt which I tried to hold over me.

_Geez it must be caught on something it's stuck_

_What in the name of fudge balls is holding it? Come on! _

_Don't rip it Sam_

_I'm trying not to_

Sudden pain from her foot slammed into my head caused me to drop the shirt. Our eyes locked she jumped back into the seat screaming as the other girl Carly grabbed her screaming just as loud. So I did the only thing I could do..I screamed as well.

_What in the blazes!_

Freddie yelped I gulped and waved.

_Sam no not the butter sock_

_Butter sock?_

I jumped up

_Carly Shay!_

_Sam Puckett!_

_I admit nothing!_

Sam held up her hands Carly glared.

_Sam relax it's not the police_

She did relax sighing in relief

_Tori Vega_

_Yea I know this is kind of unusual _

_No not really our whole day has been kind of unusual_

I scooted up when I saw I wasn't going to be beat up

_Here's your shirt _

Carly blushed grabbing it hiding it under her hoodie turning 5 different shades of red. Which Sam declared adorable as she touched her check.

_Vega your dead!_

_Oh god drive Freddie drive!_

_Huh?_

_You heard her nub get up here!_

_Ow..._

Sam kicked him he glared but gunned it.

Carly looked absolutely mortified but Sam didn't looked fazed she just laid her head on Carly's lap closing her eyes.

_Come on up Tori_

_Uh thanks Carl's_

She nodded

_The floors cold and dusty_

Carly's voice was soft and nervous.

_Were just picking up my new friend_

_Wait you made a new friend Nubby?_

Sam's eyes opened as she yawned stretching out Carly watched her laughing rubbing Sam's back. She seemed to yawn and stretch forever.

_Yes I did _

_Aw the town skunk was lonely?_

_Shut it Puckett_

_Man up little baby and make me_

Sam got in his face he backed down as Carly grabbed her pulling her back.

The door opened and this tall red head got in wearing a short black and red cocktail dress. Carly's eyes bugged out Sam and I chocked.

_Carly,Tori.. puke-face this is my girlfriend _

_Barbie_

_Hey ya'll nice to meet you_

Sam was laughing so hard she was holding her lower half tears falling . I whispered to Carly who was coughing .

_Carly Barbie's a drag queen right?_

I asked her in a whisper she nodded as I sank back okay it just wasn't me then.

_Make it stop_

Sam screamed

_What's her problem?_

Freddie leaned in kissing Barbie who responded ruffling his hair.

_Does Freddie know?_

_No_

_Is Freddie g.._

_No Freddie's just a nub_

_Okay are we.._

_No_

_Okay Topi kinda likey_

We giggled

_Aw man Carl's_

_What's wrong baby?_

_I gotta pee bad_

_Oh that's a issue_

_Yeah_

_Why?_

_Cause were broke and homeless_

_I got a home we could go there_

_Awesome let's go _

_Sweet hit it nub_

_Hey who said you can call me a nub I barely even know you but your pretty_

_I said she could so floor it nubby McNub cause Momma's gotta go bad_ !

_Boo-hoo poor little baby ah..._

She grabbed his collar he swallowed hands up nodding she let him go shoving him violently.


	6. Chapter 6 House Party

**Tori's p o v**

**House Party**

Back at my house I showed Sam to the bathroom as she soon as we got inside.

_Bout time you got back Tori girl we were starting to worry _

I stood in shock to see Andre ,Cat ,Robbie, Robbie's puppet Rex and the long missing Beck all sitting in my living room playing a video game with Trina.

_Wow guys thanks for the help_

_Help with that thing are you crazy?_

_Yea Tori we all like living breathing _

_So do I !_

_Then why did you piss of satin's daughter?_

_I didn't Robbie you did!_

_Robbie doesn't live here anymore_

Rex came center as Robbie sunk down looking around.

_He tripped over his own stupidity so I shot him_

_Rex that's not nice!_

_Neither is your face or your breath whew.._

Rex waved a hand in front of his face.

_Sup Tori?_

_I should ask you Beck you caused all of this!_

_What can I say the girl's crazy over me_

_The girl's crazy anyway_

Andre said shaking his head

_Yea didn't you have a crush on her?_

Cat replied.

_Hey Cat_

_Yes Andre?_

_Shut-up_

_Why are you yelling at me?_

She covered her ears near tears.

_I wasn't yelling Cat_

_Stop insulting me!_

_Your mean Andre_

_Your overly sensitive Cat_

Cat started to cry

_I am not overly sensitive I only use a single spray of cherry blooms perfume_

_Why do you hate me_

_I don't hate you_

_Well I hate Vega!_

Jade stormed in as I felt my whole body stiff and my throat tighten.

_My dad's a cop_

I shouted at Jade who looked over at me murder gleamed in her eyes she looked rough her hair caked in mud her checks scratched her shirt torn fists clenched.

_Cops Someone said cops!_

Sam dove behind the stairs hiding something.

_Sam relax and put down the soap back_

_She stole my soap!_

_Well it's the fancy smelling stuff that chiz is expensive _

_I have it at home Sam_

_Yea well that's thousand of miles away Carl's_

_Sam_

She huffed handing it over eyes darting around nervously

_No worries Vega when I kill you no one will see it no one will hear your screams_

_Find your body or even miss you_

_Can I get your clothes when your gone?_

_No Trina!_

_Your room?_

_No Trina_

_Oh what good are you to me then?_

_I always miss out on everything cool!_

_Ah I hate everything!_

She stomped upstairs whining as she ran up.

_I will get you Vega when you least expect it I will find you!_

Jade slammed the door on her way out she let out a scream so primal even the animals looked up as the house shock.

_Reminds me of home_

Sam commented as she flopped on the couch.

_Well on that happy note _

_I just got a text __Kenan's__in town and he's throwing a house party_

_Yay_

Cat clapped as she cheered her head bouncing resembling a kickball in mid air.

We piled into two cars Sam's Ferrari and Andre's Escalde . Music was blaring as we sped down to Kenan's house by the time we got there the party was in full swing.

Sam headed to the buffet table while Andre grabbed drinks.

Carly looked as uncomfortable as I suddenly felt.

Cat spotted a Panda and started to cry instantly taking off running shaking my head I tried to dance to the rap music blasting from the Dj's speakers. Carly seemed to take my lead and bumped my hip giggling she loosened up as we got into the music venturing into the crowd.

Carly didn't seem into the whole drinking thing and after what had happened earlier I wasn't to eager to start myself. So we just danced and talked she was easy to talk to.

Sam however was more and more wasted as each minute passed tequila ,Vodka ,Scotch, Mixed drinks you name it she was on top of it or under it in the keg case.

She was now on the table dancing hot, she had moves I had never seen the guys were loving it as they hooted and howled which was pissing Carly off more and more.

Sam was bent over backwards half naked as the guys poured Appleton Estate Rum all over Sam's stomach making it a contest who could chug the most out of her.

_I hate when she does this stupid chiz_

_How many times do I have to tell her!_

_Does she do this often?_

Carly seemed unsure if she should talk she stared at them from where they were inside it was pretty out of control. Glass was being shattered , kids dancing and smoking everywhere ..some going too far Freddie and Barbie were at the bbq making out even he was a bit tipsy,

Carly looked disgusted I felt my heart strings tug for her as I moved closer putting my arm around her shoulders. She smiled a tiny bit her eyes burning with unshed tears as she looked at Sam who was walking towards us tipsy and laughing loudly a pink flamingo drink in her hand.

_Hey cup-cake_

She hiccuped a few times

_Sam please stop _

_Stop what baby? I'm only having a good time_

_Come on cupcake relax_

She danced sexy in her tight black and sliver skinny jeans with her pink laced thong showing off her flat toned abs and stomach her matching bra well it was intoxicating. I could see why Carly weakened taking Sam's hand.

_Aw don't be sad cupcake_

Sam touched Carly's face

_I love you Carl's come on and let Momma show you how much_

Sam glared at me as she pulled Carly away placing her hands on Carly's butt squeezing it which for some reason. I found myself growing jealous over, which Sam seemed to pick up on right away as she grinned.

For good measure she poured salt into the wounds by kissing Carly long and hard which Carly responded to passionately.

I didn't stick around to watch but I saw Carly grab a drink gulp it down grin at Sam seductively as she took her hand and lead her into a empty bedroom.

Sighing I walked outside the stars were beautiful brilliant so bright a million thoughts were racing through my head which I tried to make sense of when did these feelings start? What did it mean? Would people treat me differently? Would teachers respect me less? My parents love me less?

_Pink Flamingo!_

Cat shrieked out startling me.

_Yes I know it's the hottest drink around_

_No _

_Good someone agrees_

_No I mean pink_

_Whoa_

My eyes widened as a giant real life noisy winged flapping pink flamingo stood in front of me. I screamed jumping up did someone slip something inside my drink? Did those drinks from earlier have lasting effects? Cause this was not real slowly I crept away the bird kept chirping Cat kept squeaking. I ran and ran I swear I heard Jade's laughter.

At a safe distance I fell into a mini garden exhausted grabbing the glass window which felt cool against my flaming face. After a minute I looked up embarrassed to see Carly and Sam making love completely naked arms wrapped around each other as they moved in sync with each others bodies moaning in pleasure and pain.

My eyes lingered on them I felt tears fall quickly I brushed them away. Angry at myself why was I crying? I hardly knew Carly.

Sighing I walked away trying to find a peaceful place to gather my thoughts. Finally I found one I flipped on my pear pod taking out my journal starting to write somehow my thoughts went from a journal entry to a song.

_Want help?_

_Hey Dre wassup?_

Andre smiled shrugging.

_Nothing really sup with you girl? What ya working on?_

He pulled out his keyboard I looked at him he shrugged laughing

_A true artiest is always prepared_

I shock my head as we started to work on melody and lyrics.

" _**I would do anything to see that beautiful **_

_**Smile light up your face**_

_**It's the stars in the night sky **_

_**You radiant brighter then the sun**_

**_I would take away your pain_ **

**_I would make a rainbow _ **

_**Be your bridge **_

_**Lead back your lost hope**_

_**Lost in youth "**_

_That's a good start Tori_

_Thanks Dre_

_What if you tried it like this?_

We played a different tone which I got into as I free-styled.

_**Why does life play tricks on my heartstrings?**_

_**So many questions so little answers**_

_**I just want to know**_

_**What's wrong with me?**_

_**Is it normal for different to feel so passionately**_

_**Does difference have to be bad?**_

_**So confused so full of pain "**_

_Yuck I don't like the lyrics great beat though Andre_

_Don't give up Tori try a different approach_

_Like how?_

We played a few keys which I let linger inside of me closing my eyes I let the beat flow through me.

_**They say there's nothing I can do **_

_**Too young to vote to young to have a voice**_

_**Little girl sit down **_

_**Mind your elders**_

_**Remember to love before all others**_

_**Believe in truth and everything will fall into place**_

_**A time and a place a reason and a rhythm **_

_**I use to believe in happily ever after**_

_**Then life set me straight now I believe in one truth**_

_**I make my own destiny I can be who I want to be**_

_**Love free as I long to be deep inside**_

_**It's worth the fight**_

_**I will fight for you"**_

_Excellent Tori _

_Thanks Andre _

_Sure no prob man that party is a whole lot wilder then the last party _

_I know I'm sick of it already_

_Wanna ditch?_

_Sure lets do it!_


	7. Chapter 7 It Only Hurts When I Breathe

**It Only Hurts When I Breathe**

**Tori p. o .v**

" _Hey Andre great party man_

_Dude it's not mine I just got the invite_

_Aw don't be so modest babe_

Some tall legged chick came over throwing her arm over his shoulders she was so wasted it wasn't even funny. Andre blushed loving it though.

_Well I mean sure I did invite half the guests but_

Without warning she kissed him hard Andre fell back surprised.

_Hey hands off him he wants a real woman_

_Ain't that right Dre_

Some chick who I didn't even know but who was wearing HWA jacket came over shoving the other girl away not that that move went over so well with the other girl since she got right back up and slugged her in the face.

_Well ladies I'm flattered but really no need to fight_

_Dre has enough love to go around_

Well it looks like he might be awhile sighing I guess we weren't ditching after all. I went back to the party scene. Carly and Sam were back out dancing so close there was practically no space between them.

Robbie was talking to Cat who was looking at him with such a cute look. I wanted to shake him and tell him to wake up dance with her but Cat needed to handle this on her own.

_Hey Tori_

I jumped startled to see Beck standing there against a wall holding a flaming drink.

_Interesting looking drink _

_Yea it's not mine_

Panic seized me as I looked around

_She's here?_

_Where do I have to .._

_Shh calm down babe_

Beck touched my lips with his finger.

_Aw you called me babe_

_Well you are don't let Jade scare you_

_I'm not scared_

_Really?_

He moved closer I started to tremble

_Cause you look like your about to pee on yourself_

_Uh-uh_

My voice went four octaves higher shaking along with my legs.

_Vega _

_Ah!_

I jumped screaming stumbling and falling into his arms as I turned to see Mr. Sikowitz behind me riding a pink flamingo. He waved non-Chantilly while eating a snow cone. I turned to Beck who nodded.

_So I'm not crazy right you see that too_

_Yes I see it too _

I had to admit his arms around me felt super nice.

_So why is Jade out to get you?_

Robbie and Cat came over holding hands I grinned finally she got her game on

_Hey guys Tori try this drink it's called Toasted coconut almond joy _

_I don't know me and alcohol we aren't fairing so well tonight_

_Aw it's only a sip try it it won't hurt see I'm good and this is my second_

_Well okay just a sip_

I took a sip it tasted sweet unlike the harsh stuff from earlier.

_Dang Tori you drank it all_

Cat looked sad

_Sorry I'll get another_

_No need that's what I'm here for_

Robbie went off Beck laughed looking at me over my shoulder.

_Comfy? _

_Yes I am_

I laid my head on his chest as we swayed to the music Robbie came back with four drinks two for Cat two for me.

_Jade is always out to get me Beck _

_I swear she hates me_

_Jade doesn't hate she just has a funny way to show she cares_

I turned to him

_She tried to kill me_

_Well your alive_

_Cause I ran_

_She didn't catch you _

_Cause she's drunker then Oozy Osborne on a bad day_

_Point is if Jade really wanted you dead you would be dead_

_If you say so_

_I know Jade very well_

_I bet you do big boy I bet you do_

_Wee confetti!_

Cat started dancing as confetti exploded Sam was on the table dancing with Carly who was shirtless their bodies grinding together as they laughed.

_Yea their a little drunk_

_A little?_

_Beck_..

We both looked up as I felt the earth move below my feet . Beck grabbed me holding me steady .

_Speaking of drunk there Vega_

_I'm not..._

I started to giggle as I touched his face.

_Your cute_

Okay so maybe I was a little toasted. Beck laughed holding me up as we walked to the patio the cool night air felt awesome on my suddenly hot skin.

_Aw chiz my skin is on fire _

_You okay?_

_No man god I feel like I'm roasting_

Beck grabbed me as I started ripping off my clothes

_Tori don't_

_I have to Beck it's too hot_

_Tori_

Beck put his arms over mine trying to lower my arms but I managed to get my shirt off as he tried to pull me back. I was laughing hysterically his arms around my waist . We wrestled he got me pinned to the ground as I grabbed his shirt.

_No not mine _

_Yes yours hot thing_

_No Tori be a good girl_

_No Topi wants to be baaad_

Beck grabbed my hands as my fingers traced his lips which looked so full so sweet.

_Your cute sir_

Beck laughed as my hands ran the length of his chest which sent shivers down my spine.

He held me strong as my fingers fumbled with his light jeans pulling them off.

_So Boxers or briefs?_

_I'm a man of surprises_

_I like surprises _

Beck lifted me up carrying me over to the yawn chairs laying me down he yanked my jeans off laying on top of me his lips worked their way down my body making it tense at the intensity of his cold touch from my throat which he sucked on from my breasts to my stomach to my lower half which came alive with his touch.

Pain shot through me as I gripped him even his kisses didn't stop the scream which escaped me as he pushed inside of me.

Exhausted he collapsed on me kissing me it was like fireworks my whole body was electrified as he held me.

_Your beautiful Tori_

_Aw thanks honey your amazing Beck_

_Thank you for being patience_

_Shh it's okay Tori I know you were perfect_

_Aw that's sweet_

I cuddled with his arms wrapped around me.

_Boom-ba _

Startled I looked up from my warm embrace to see Sam pelting Freddie with coconuts as he ran screaming. She wasn't alone Cat was with her and Carly and Andre and Robbie all naked Pretty soon everyone was laughing and throwing fruit at each other.

While that mess was going on Beck and I helped each other get dress kissing.

_Where do you think your going?_

_No! No Cat No!_

_Get them!_

Beck was holding my hand as we took off running across the yard.

Suddenly I was lifted up through the air by a very drunk Andre as he threw me in the pool.

Screams filled the air as Freddie who grabbed Barbie holding the Flamingo being ridden by Cat and Sikitwiz. With the music blasting the heatwave still going strong it was amazing . Beck and I wasted no time stripping along with everyone else.

Dancing so close to Beck kissing him was a dream come true was it real though or a illusion from being so intoxicated?

_Don't let go Beck_

_I won't come on lets go somewhere private_

Taking his hand I let him lead me upstairs to a empty room once the door closed I pulled him to me kissing him hard and long.

Stumbling to the bed I pushed him down straddling him onto me. Letting him enter me.

_God I love when you moan Tori_

_Don't ever stop baby_

_Don't stop pleasing me and I won't stop mo-aning oh god_

_Keep this up baby and I will moan as loud as long as you want_

I moaned his name as we made love over and over . By the time we were done I was so exhausted I fell asleep in his arms my eyes wouldn't even pry open when he kissed me.

_Wakie Wakie wittle Tori_

Slowly I peeled my eyes open jumping a little a squeal escaped as I saw Jade standing there tipsy.

Trying to cover myself I realized I was dressed already looking around I saw I was alone. Where was Beck? My brain spun was he even there? Was it a dream? Jade's smile confused me , she approached me wielding a knife which she smacked against her open palm.

I scrambled off the bed.

_Where are you running off to Tori?_

_Didn't you have fun tonight?_

_I know I did_

Her grin was sarcastic as imagines of her and I kissing filled my head.

_Sure it was a blast Jade_

_You don't sound to excited Vega_

_I am_..

My voice went up as I backed up against the wall afraid. Did she know I slept with Beck? Or did I even sleep with him? Everything was spinning.

_Come on Tori don't be afraid I won't hurt you _

Jade slipped her hand over my thigh swallowing I tried to stand tall.

_Come on Tori I still remember your touch _

_How it filled my dark soul and made me smile_

_Jade we didn't _

_Didn't we? Are you sure you weren't to drunk?_

_I wasn't ..I don't_

_Shh baby it's okay I won't be mad_

_Mad why would you be mad?_

Jade was pushing me against the wall her body was pressed so close to me I could smell her taste her. Please back up Jade please don't kill me.

_Tori I'm not going to kill you babe relax_

_After what we shared_

_Shared?_

I watched as her fingers traced my chest ..her eyes scanning my body.

_Yea you know let me remind you babe_

Jade smashed her lips into mine pressing me against the wall so hard it left imprints on my backside.

My whole body responded instantly as flashbacks of last night filled my head. I sank into her kiss wrapping my arms around her. Closing my eyes I let my knees give out as we sank to the floor.


	8. Chapter 8 Only In My Dreams

**Tori's P.O.V**

**Only In My Dreams**

The squeaking of the door caused me to look up panic as I sat up straight sweating it was only in my dreams wow it seemed as real as it could be. Jade wasn't going to kill me.

_Hey be.._

Expecting to see Beck as I shock out the strange dream of Jade I started to smile..my face froze when I saw Jade walk in. Backing up out of bed I was filled with terror did she know? Did she catch us?

_Jade?_

_What the f.._

She cussed shocked to see me as she flipped on the light.

_Vega what are you doing here?_

I was all set with a snappy comeback when her voice came out sounding strained depressed weak very un-Jade like.

Gulping I asked myself why did I care?

_Jade what's wrong?_

She sat on the bed arms crossed.

_Like you care Vega_

_Well if I didn't I wouldn't be asking _

Why did I care so much though really? Jade was never really my friend.

She looked at me trying to decide trust me or not to trust me? Slowly I headed over my own arms crossed quite nervous if Beck came back with our drinks she would know for sure.

_Jade I can tell your upset_

_Wow your a real star pupil_

_Jade stop with the wise cracks that's why you have so few friends_

_See I thought my personality was a very heart warming charming feature_

_Yea if someone likes witches and being burned in potions_

_Bump you Vega_

_Now come on Jade you know you love me_

_Like fish love land Vega_

_Aw come on Jade you know I'm better then some smelly old fish_

_Says who?_

She arched a eyebrow.

_Plenty of people _

_Your family dog doesn't count Vega_

_Ow_

I pretended to pout she nudged me laughing.

_You ever wonder why were here?_

_What do you mean?_

_Like why did our parents have us why did god let us be born?_

_Why go after our dreams if god has a whole other plan for our lives ones he probably crafted for us before we were even born?_

_Pretty heavy stuff West_

_Yea well_

_So what's going on?_

_When did you know Tori?_

_Know what West?_

_When did you know you wanted to preform?_

_I was never really totally into it until Trina_

_Well I knew since I was like 2 that this is where I belonged_

_I was always singing and dancing around the place_

_My mom use to say I was born to do this she made me promise to always work hard_

_Stay true to my dreams without losing myself_

_Your mom sounds like a wise loving woman_

_Yea she was and I let her down_

_No you haven't Jade uh hello you worked your butt off to get into one of the top_

_Preforming Arts High schools in all the country your at the top of our class_

_You already wrote your own screen play had it produced and made it into a west end production_

_I would say any mom would be proud_

_She wouldn't be proud of me now_

_Why would you say that?_

_Cause.._

Jade's eyes filled with tears I looked around where was Cat? She has been Jade's best friend since they were kids. No one was around sighing I pushed myself closer to her putting my arm around her waist she suddenly broke down.

Rubbing her back while she cried I worried what could be so bad Jade West broke down over it?

Sniffling she stood up she hugged me I almost dropped dead from shock.

_Thanks_

_For what?_

_For listening_

_Well sure are you okay now?_

_No..god..I can't believe I am so stupid so careless_

_Your not stupid or careless Jade Mean and bossy maybe_

_Hey watch it Vega I know where you live _

_My dad's a cop!_

_True True_

She sighed.

_I'm pregnant Tori and I'm scared_

_Your what? Oh my god! Does Beck know?_

_No and your not telling him!_

She stood up angrily ..

_He wouldn't care_

_Yes he would_

_No he wouldn't Beck is all about his bad boy status he likes getting girls once he's had them he's done_

_Jade you've been with him for four years_

_Really Tori cause love is suppose to mean staying with the one you love forever_

_Beck is forever chasing girls come on Veg your in our class you know it's true_

_You see him with all the other girls all the time_

_Yea but he always comes home to you _

_So were 17 it doesn't mean he wants a kid he likes sex I bet you he's hooked up with someone already._

I froze how could I deny it when I know he had . God she would kill me ..I wanted to kill me.

_Jade _

_Don't bother you know don't you I bet it was some cheap thrill _

_That he met last night he'll try to cover it up but I'm not stupid I know better_

_Who is she Tori?_

_I didn't..I don't ..Beck loves you_

_Forget it I've manged on my own for 17 years I'll manage on my own now who cares if all my dreams _

_die. Beck gets to live his dreams his life typical the girl suffers when it's his responsibility as well as mine._

_Jade_

_Forget it Vega and I'm warning you keep your mouth shut!_

She stormed out as I sunk down exhausted head pounding eyes burning. The door scared me as Beck came in my throat went dry.

**[An Hour Later]**

_Jade calm down!_

_Calm down why! _

She shoved me hard I yelped hitting the wall.

_You told didn't you is that why you don't want me?_

_No I swear I didn't_

_Didn't what Vega?_

_Didn't tell my boyfriend I'm pregnant didn't sleep with my boyfriend_

_N..._

Wait did she ? Slap her hand flew against my face dang she had some power her eyes blazed as she hit me over and over.

_Jade stop _

_Stop what Tori?_

_Trusting people caring , hoping, thanks to you and Beck I have.._

Her voice was laced with such venom and sadness it scared me backing up I tried to escape her rage my face was on fire. She was beat red fist clenched shaking hard . My foot caught on something I was afraid she was going to kill me. I swallowed as she screamed her fist connecting with my face.

_Jade please don't I'm sorry I was drunk I …_

_Shut it Vega just shut the...up_

_Jade no!_

She lunged at me her hands wrapped around my throat I tried to kick her but she was strong. I couldn't wedge out she was pressing harder and harder trapping my body against the wall and bed. I felt the air leaving my body getting thinner and thinner, my fear was past alarmed I was in full panic mode, I couldn't talk ..loud noises erupted inside my ears.

Pain shot through me is this what death felt like? Everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9 Million Dollars

**Million Dollars**

**Carly's p.o.v 2016**

**[ Lyrics million Dollars By Miranda Cosgrove still not owning chiz ]**

**Singing you were my million dollars **

**Singing you were my million dollars **

Everyone says that money can buy you happiness everyone also says that to truly be happy means always remembering who you were in the past that your past defines you binds you it makes you who you are.

I say their full of b.s I have all the money I could ask for. I have a great job. I live as far away as possible from where I grew up.

Paris France to be exact. I'm in my junior year of college I'm a assistance producer of a local Tv morning talk show. . I have loads of fans I make great money and I have my own place. Yet I was I was dead there is a emptiness I can't explain.

It's not like they say in all those books that when you leave high school behind everything gets better sometimes it gets worse.

_Automobilement de terre a automobilement [ Carly earth to Carly]_

I turned to force a smile at Wendy my roommate who transferred here Three years ago .

_Que Nettoyez-vous a fond ici c'est froid de loup? _

I bit my lip how should I answer her question? I wanted to reply that my heart was as bitter as the cold out here, but she was being genuine in her concern it was as bitter as she had said.

I answered her in English

_I like it cause it matches my mood_

_Oh baby thinking about Sam again?_

I bit my lip harder I couldn't help it she smiled at me wrapping her arm over my shoulder . I sighed she was so understanding . I should be be happy I had a friend who was supportive of me who puts up with my mood swings and still supports me.

_Come on babe I'll treat you to a frappe before we met Freddie_

I nodded as she pulled me away from the black wrought iron fence gate over looking the Scie river which sparkled brilliantly . Tears sprang to my eyes I felt so far away as I turned leaving the peacefulness going into the rush of the city.

Wendy and I walked inside Les Sejour [ Pleasant Journey ] which was right next to the chunnel that Freddie would be getting off of.

_Can you believe it's been four years in this amazing city just think soon will be graduating_

_Then we can choice stay here or go home._

Home it sounded so far away like another life time. I closed my eyes as I sat and sipped my coffee. My head hurt ,Wendy sounded like everyone of our classmates so excited about our futures. Our choices our plans they lived every moment like it was the only one they would get never thinking about their pasts or what choices they make today would effect tomorrow.

God I wish I had that arrogance that ignorance people passed by in such a rush the city was buzzing but I felt like I had no energy.

_Carly babe come back to us_

I jumped as Wendy touched my hand tension filled every part of me my breathing tensed.

_Carly it's okay sweetie your here with me in France your not_

_Don't say it!_

_Sorry babe but relax_

Relax ha so easy for her to say she didn't know the things I did see what I did.

_Carly look I know it's hard but you need to let go you need to move on_

_Move on_

I hissed back feeling cold as I glared at her.

_You mean forget her?_

_Carly I know what she meant to you_

My throat clogged

_No Wendy you have no idea none at all_

_Excuse me I need air _

_Carly Freddie will be here any minute_

_Tell him I 'll see him later I need to leave _

_Carly I'm sorry please don't_

Wendy's eyes pleaded with me to stay. I hesitated my legs felt shaky my breathing felt light. I

Swallowed looking around everywhere I looked I saw my past mock me.

Young couples holding hands kissing, dancing, laughing at the table next to us two young girls about 17 or 18 cuddled by a fireplace one in the others lap. Arms entwined heads together the girl in the lap had her eyes closed the other was gazing longingly at her partner.

Memories of us like that in the same pose over swept me standing inline another young girl was dancing trying to shake out the cold as she sung in French a song all about food her girlfriend laughing slapping her butt. That use to be us minus the french part of course.

All around I felt everyone else was finding their happiness but me? Well over the past four years I learned a few things.

#1 No matter how hard you fight beg and plead sometimes life is just chiz.

#2 To be happy I need to love myself accept myself what I haven't learned is how to love myself cause in all honesty I wasn't good enough to love myself.

I also learned that as we get older childhood melts away and with it so does our sense of security trust innocence and belief in idols.

It's great to have dreams and aspirations hopes but you can't confuse them with reality.

All through my childhood I dreamed of going to a great college. Finding my beautiful princess who was smart, sweet, tough, outgoing, funny , silly and loving. I found her ..I worked hard to make all my dreams come true.

Now I'm older and I'm starting to see clearly now I started to realize.

" **I don't think I believe in love**_"_

Love is just something installed to us as kids were taught to love your neighbor no matter what they say to you were taught to love our parents even if they don't love you in return. Your taught that love is this big overwhelming tidal wave in reality it's a slow moving current it trickles and trickles till it gets under your feet then it carries you with it sometimes you go under and you have to fight to the surface. Sometimes you like being under..love can enter lead you to a giant river or ocean or it can sink you to the bottom.

_Carly …_

I spun as I heard him he was rushing to the door as I came out of the turn style doors. My feet froze fist clenched throat tightened he did have to come today? Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I just wanted peace was that so much to ask?

_Carly I've been worried you won't return my calls or texts _

_Wendy tells me your not sleeping baby or eating it's not healthy._

_Carly please you have to take care of yourself_

I couldn't answer the pressure in my head hurt too much . Looking him over I swallowed he cared for me deeply. I got that but what he didn't understand was that no matter how much he loved me. I would never love him back.

Not in the way he wanted and it just wasn't right because he deserved a girl who would love him and there was no way it could be me..because I was a lesbian. Even if I was bi it still would never be simply put I had shut that whole feeling of love off a long time ago.

My eyes scanned him it was amazing how much he had changed. Freddie wasn't the Av tech he was back in high school he stood almost 6 feet tall his hair was buzzed cut just leaving a little fuzz on top he was wearing contacts, he worked out on a daily bases. He was built and he looked good.

He looked well older , tears sprang to my eyes what would she look like now? My throat clogged.

_Carly I know you miss her_

He tried to hug me I stepped back pulling my coat closer shaking my head willing my voice not to crack.

_No...Freddie you don't_

His eyes were full of sadness and some other look I couldn't pin point.

_She was my friend to Carly_

_It's not the same Freddie_

_Carl's _

_No please just leave me alone_

_No one knows what I feel like or how much I hurt_

_I hurt Freddie so damn much I can't stand it_

_You have no idea what it's like to be me_

_So talk to us Carly_

_Please go Freddie_

_No were friends I've known you forever_

He sighed how could I explain it to him?

_No Freddie you know the old me_

_That Carly Shay she died four years ago I left her behind_

_She can't come back_

_Please Carly Spencer is so worried_

The mention of my brother's name brought tears to my eyes. I missed him but he was better off. I could never go back there to visit not now.

" **And I don't need the place where I grew up **

**Slipping by finally got mixed up**

**Cause being me is never good enough**

**I'm gonna fight against the system **

I did fight I fought hard but in the end all the fighting all it did was destroy my life.

" **And question my decisions **

**After everything I've given with no return"**

Everyday I question did I make the right choice? Was leaving Seattle leaving the memories the right choice?

**Sometimes I just don't understanding**

**If faith is real then why do we lose our friends?**

**It's how I feel , no I can't just pretend**

**And now I'll do anything for the win**

Without a word I yanked his arm off of me and ran never looking back.

My legs burned as I tore through the streets the tears fell in cascades.

Coughing and heaving and gasping. I finally got home dropping my keys and backpack wherever they landed. I fell on the couch bawling. It hurt it just plain hurt so bad and no matter how far I ran how many miles I put between me and my past it just never got easier.

Believe in god ..believe in Justice ..believe in what? It didn't do chiz..it didn't save her..it didn't change things. No matter how many counselors I talked to how many confessions I went to. How many songs I wrote my feelings remained the same.

I tried and I tried to let happiness win I fought through to the top of the industry. I won in every aspect of my life ..except one part of my life. I did anything and everything but in the end a win in any part of my life will never win over what I lost.

[Chorus]

**Singing you were my million dollars **

**Singing you were my million dollars **

Memories flooded me so fresh it was like yesterday her touch her kisses her sweet perfume my skin crawled my stomach rose I bolted to the bathroom emptying it's contents into the bowl.

Sweating and shaking I reached for the one thing I could take to wash away the pain. I reached for a old friend.

Absolute it burned my throat it warmed me as I drowned the whole bottle stumbling around, I screamed as a sudden rage over took me again.

Wendy thought it was so easy to forget just wipe it all away like it never happened. Like she didn't exist.

Cuss words escaped my lips as I stubbed my toe on the end table how many times did I ask Wendy to slide it over when she was done with her yoga? Damn why couldn't anyone listen to me? A low growl emulated from me. My throat burned as I picked up the table slamming it against the wall. Then swept my hands across the entertainment center wiping it clean. One thing lead to another as I smashed and slammed things crying and screaming . I needed something stronger much stronger stumbling and staggering I found my bag and pulled out my only true friend.

Sterling sliver 3 inches tall she gleamed as her sharp edge prickled my upper arm. A cool warming sensation over took my veins. Tears fell as I closed my eyes chest slightly heaving in my lowest moments. I just wanted her back I would do anything for that win. My butt hit the cold hard dirty basement floor,

" **Cause I'm down on the floor**

**Even though I've been here before" **


	10. Chapter 10 Fragile Lives

**Fragile Lives **

**Sam's p.o.v**

**[ A/N Bold Italics are lyrics Fragile Lives By Chris Webby]**

" **Yea it sucks growing up man**

**S..t changes**

**You lose touch with people**

**You lose friends along the way**

**You gotta keep going**

**Yeah**

" _Puckett you better stop with that rap chiz man cause that chiz ain't gonna get your a.. sprung .._

_Jus saying b.._

I gazed up angrily at the chick who opened her mouth my eyes blazed lips tightened.

_Damn b don't you know when to shut your damn trap and you wonder why I beat your ass every mother...day.._

_Cause you a straight crazy bitch that's why.._

I stuck my finger up at my cousin Tonya she's 28 and she's locked down for 15. She looked at me shaking her head. T she straight crazy to when she was 15 she got hooked to drugs thanks to her momma who was shooting up everyday of our lives. She jumped this drug dealer stole his merchandise and guns then robbed a bank shooting three people. Yet they charged her as a Juvie so thanks to her luck she'll get out in two.

_Foolish kid better cut that dreaming out _

_Cause your in here just like the rest of us no good _

_Psycho's society deemed us the worst of the worst and locked us up _

_Dreams ain't gonna change your reality son they just hurt you_

Like I needed to be reminded about where I was? Everyday every second there was no escaping it. My view consisted of a old soggy mattress one ripped thin sheet that was suppose to be white but was soaked in sweat and so used it was near brown. A toilet chained to a sink and the floor the sink barely worked and the toilet backed up so much it was unusable more then it was useable. All within a lonely cold smelly 8 by 10 cell barred by a locked steel, metal door.

Outside the sun shone maybe a crack through electric barbed wires and a tower overlooked all the cell blocks. I had a thin dirty orange jumpsuit that made me not only freeze but also labeled me across the back there was no mistaken the Letters. "H.R.O" aka High Risk Offender.

"**Man it sucks growing up **

**Gotta let go of the past**

**Not every childhood friendship is gonna last**

**People grow up move on for better or worst.._"_**

Letting go of a past yeah like that was possible while you were in here they did everything to remind you of what brought you here. How much of a screw up you are your a danger to others to yourself. They act like I don't matter just cause I did some dumb chiz in my youth . I'm paying for my ignorance it's hard cuz they act like I'm a cold hearted irredeemable monster for not showing remorse for not crying and breaking down on the stand begging for forgiveness to my victims family. " how can I though when I don't even remember what I supposedly did? I can't lie and say something I don't feel.

So I suppose in their eyes I'm a monster I'm irredeemable. So lock me up and throw away the keys who will miss me? My family is either dead locked up dead drunk or just don't care. My friends? Well it's funny how they all say they'll be down for me when I'm on the outs but as soon as I'm locked up proof their gone like the wind forgetting all about me going on with their lives. They never think about me anymore. I never get a call or a letter a visit ...they just left me..the pain is like nothing I ever felt..no beatings from my mom or her many boyfriends no fights, no stabbings nothing ever hurt as bad as that it's like a bullet to my heart ..except by the time it gets there I'm already dead-ed... the worst part is. I earned all the hatred disgust and abandonment. I brought it all with what I did..I don't deserve loyalty ..I got what I deserve.

**Always of course it doesn't end in a church **

**We use to go on rides like the city hours**

**But now we got real job and s...y hours and those**

**The lucky ones who earn a check **

**The ones who don't sit at home all day and blow percusets **

**Cause I've seen a lot of people on that path**

**And it sucks cause they almost never come back**

**It's a sad truth the life is just ruthless right?**

I wondered how were my so called friends? Where did they find love? I bet Carly was somewhere romantic at a top college happily living with some smart sexy model she had high standards for herself

For others.

It's no wonder she bailed on me so fast I didn't blame her she had so much going for her she is smart gorgeous motivated talented sexy she could take the world by storm. I missed her so much I wanted to die but I couldn't do it cause what happened one day if she came back to me and I was dead?

It was a dream yes she would never come back for me...Carly had forgotten me ..who hadn't? Mel had stopped coming two years ago she said I was a disgrace to her she wouldn't be held down by having the same last name as me she was done with our family. She changed her name and she refused to tell me she moved far away..Mom she was too busy taking care of her own John's and daddy war bucks drinking and popping pills she said I was a mistake and needed to be taken care of ..she never came to see me. She chose sex and drugs over her own kid, I often wonder why wasn't I enough? What did I do to make everyone hate me?

**Chances thrown **

**Nothing's free**

**Longing for **

**Used to be**

**Still it's hard to see**

**Fragile Lives**

**Shattered dreams**

I use to have dreams maybe I never dreamed of being valedictorian or the next president. My dreams were more about having enough food or staying alive. I dreamed I would get a rap deal and Carly's love..but all I got was a number and a rap sheet.

**For the teenage mothers with a baby to feed**

**For the kids who think a pill bottle all they need**

**We all got a rough patch**

**We only got one life**

**[ One life]**

**And it goes on but now with one less**

It wasn't my fault I was born with no money no parents to guide me how was I suppose to learn? A father locked up a pill popping mother half my aunts and uncles cousins locked up or dead. The others were on their way.

No role models my neighbors? Shemkia who is my age by the time we were 16 years old she had two babies to feed no job she dropped out of school to sell herself ..Darren was selling and popping pills by

The time we were 11.

What about Nick? He was our age to ..chiz he was only 16 years old when he got shot ..Nick well he was one of my best friends he was cool people ya know sometimes life just gives you so many lemons but then it also throws ya a peach yea well that was Nick our southern Georgia Peach..he was cool

Moved here when we were 10 thick southern accent which made him a easy target but he fought back with his quickness on the football field and awesome rhymes. He could dance, act and he was smart to man he was always doing well in school and he was a good kid someone you could be proud to bring home to momma. He was always helping his parents out, he taught his kid brother how to ride a bike helped him with homework he looked out for his sister if some guy messed with her watch out. All the ladies loved him and he loved his ladies..his parents worked three jobs each to support them and send them to the best private schools but he was never cocky about it, he started working when he was 13 to help out.

**Nev tatted on my bicep **

**Nick L I miss you man **

**But I guess fate just had a different plan**

**I thought me and you would be kicking it in 20 years**

**Talking about our wives and kids over a couple of beers**

**And now your not here**

**And it's hard to say in a song**

**But s...t I think about you everyday you've been gone**

**A.G, Shawn, Glock were all getting through the pain but you know Seattle will never be the same**

**You even had faith in me back when we were kids**

**You said I get big back when no body did**

**So I wanna do this for you **

**Cause I know you still up there holding me down**

**So brotha save me spot if something happens to me**

**Until then **

**Enjoy the show from the balcony seats..**

I never thought Nick would get caught in a drive by we were kids walking home from school his school

was a block above mine so we met at a corner everyday ..how were we suppose to know the kings would retaliate against 48 crew on that very spot? I can still hear the squeals of the tires of that Escalde as it turned I could still feel the spray of the bullets as Nick pushed me down..still see his eyes as they

went wide with pain as the bullets pierced his spine ..the blood still lingers on my fingertips as I tried to stop the bleeding while the life drained out of him. He knew he would never get old..he knew there was no sirens coming down our block..I could still feel his skin grow colder and clammy feel his breathing grow faster deeper as blood filled his lungs ..then poured out his nose and eyes as his breathing grew shorter harder as his body drained til his heart stopped. I made a promise to Nick to live for both of us to go after our dreams...Life messed me up.

**For the kids who've lost a friend and family in the past**

" **For the kids who messed up and wanna take it all back **

**If you got a dream you gotta get it man**

**At least try**

**S...t you may never get a second chance**

**As a kid we never thought it could happen to you**

**For better or worse it's how I'm here rappin to you**

**Keep in touch with all your homies**

**And eye on the prize**

**Cause we all slip and fall down push your chiz to the side**

**Only got one thing for sure**

**Tomorrow is not promised**

My arms ached as I lifted to the ax to the ground two guards watching me. I used it to get my anger out at as the sun beat down making me sweat as I dug a garden on the side of the sharp electric fence which was housing me.

Working use to make me tired and cranky just thinking about it I used any excuse to get out of it. Now I craved it anything to get me out of a cell.

Too much free time meant to much time to remember ,remember how Carly broke my heart and how much I still loved her, love made me hope it gave me self worth..Carly was my everything now I was nothing just a 22 year old with a permanent number on my back and chest.

" **And that's it**

**Ya know **

**Life goes on**

**Gotta keep focused **

**Nick**

**We all miss you down here brother**

**But we'll see you through yeah"**


	11. Chapter 11 All Kinds Of Wrong

**All Kinds Of Wrongs**

**Carly's p o v**

"_Carly sweetie Come on you have to get up off the floor_

_Leave me alone_

_No_

_Carly you have to get up babe the floor is cold and damp_

_I can't leave me alone _

_No Carly you'll get sick_

_I don't care this is what I deserve_

_No Carly you don't you can't punish yourself forever_

_Why not! After everything that's happened I have every right_

Freddie pulled me up even though I fought him hitting at him cussing at him he didn't give up he pulled me up even as my legs bucked he held me strong. I heard him suck in his breath as the smell of the vodka hit him.

_Oh Carl's I hate seeing you like this_

_Baby I know it hurts but this is wrong_

_N..o..N..o it's not Frednerd_

I stumbled as Freddie's arms caught me strong as I fell on him. I felt his right hand on my butt but it didn't bother me actually it made me laugh.

_Why are you so loyal?_

_Come on Carl's you know I love you always have always will_

He laid me down in bed covering me up. I gripped the bed-covers as the tears over flowed me, my head pounded so many questions filled my mind one overpowered them all. Why?

**Just woke up it's day 10**

**It still hurts like back then**

**Tears like rain flood my bed **

**Can't erase what I did**

The pain was so deep you could take a knife and stab me through the heart and the pain would never

compare to what I feel now.

If only I could take back time and change it I would do so many things different.

My stomach hurt so did my head I could feel Wendy and Freddie sitting by me stroking my hair back as I cried into my pillows.

_Oh Carl's please stop I hate hearing you so sad_

_I wish I could help you babe_

Wendy's words offered me little comfort cause the reality was it did nothing to relieve me.

**This is what I get for**

**Telling you I don't need you around **

**What a lie**

**And this is what I get for**

**Thinking that there was ever **

**Someone better in my life**

**And it's all kinds of wrong**

**Without you**

**I can't breathe when your gone**

**Don't know what to do**

**Now the best of me is lost**

**In a memory**

**And it's all kinds of wrong**

**Without you**

Why did I say those words? Why did I push Sam away? How could I be so stupid? She's the best part of me the one who gets me for who I am she accepts me loves me she loosens me up.

Sam pried herself on never lying and I went and told the biggest lie.

Now was I paying for it everyday of my miserable life. I tried to find someone better I dated Freddie briefly but it didn't work. I dated Wendy but we were better off as friends. I dated and had sexual relationships with a few others but no one can ever replace Sam ever.

**If I had one more try **

**No more games**

**No more Lies **

**Missing you is a lonely ride**

**Feels more dead then alive**

**This is what I get for**

**Telling you to pack your things**

**And just get out**

**Pushing you awake now**

**No one's going to bail you out**

**Chorus**

**Want you back by my side**

**I want back what was right**

**I know I should be strong**

**But this feels so wrong**

I was shivering I was sick with guilt Freddie and Wendy were talking to me in hushed tones. I felt Freddie sitting by me holding me but I felt numb.

_No more alcohol Carly you had too much_

_Leave me alone_

Freddie grabbed my hand roughly, I got pissed shoving him hard but it didn't phrase him he held me strong . No matter how hard I pushed he held me. Eventually they broke me as I started to cry like crazy the guilt consumed me. 


	12. Chapter 12 Little Sister

**Little Sister**

**Trina's p.o.v**

**[ A/N Bold words are lyrics to the songs Little Sister by New Medicine and I'm the one remaining from One life to live sung by Kristen Alderson]**

_Hey Tori_

_How's it going Kid?_

_Uh I can't believe mom and dad are being so ..uh_

_I mean they act like I committed a crime or something_

_So I went a little crazy and blew $2000 on these new boots can anyone blame me?_

_I mean hel-lo their gorgeous!_

I flashed my boots for Tori to see I mean they looked gorgeous on me all sparkly pink and blue with rime stones all over them they came up to my lower calves.

_Aw come on Tori no reaction don't hate me cause I'm fabulous and your well..._

_Well not all of us can be so amazing like me_

I grinned as I pointed to myself

_Uh I miss you Tori when will you come home_

_I need you to set mom and dad straight_

_God Tori it's not fair!_

I stomped my feet screaming anyone walking by us would think I was insane.

_Julliard is just great thanks for asking _

_Tori oh I know you were getting to it uh so slow I tell ya_

_Yea but for real it's amazing I love living in NYC is so full of life and energy it's vibrant just like _

_ME! _

_I know I know don't say it_

_I'm putting the city to shame cause I shine so bright_

_NYC is jealous_

_Oh Trina you haven't changed _

I jumped as I saw Andre came up my heart skipped a beat as my stomach came up quickly. I covered my mouth taking a deep breath . I hadn't seen him in four years he looked so much older it brought back so many memories and tears rushed to my eyes.

_Oh Trina don't cry babe_

He wrapped his arms around me rubbing my back.

_How are you Tri?_

_I guess I'm okay_

His hug felt warm and strong I couldn't believe it had been so long my mind ran back to that night that started it all. Andre was so drunk but so funny he had me laughing so hard I never expected to fall so but I did I fell in love with him or at least I thought I had maybe it was the booze.

_Trina babe are you really okay?_

I looked away

_You don't have to lie that night effected all of us in so many different and profound ways_

His hand was warm on my shoulder the smile spread across my face , he smiled at me through both of his kissable lips and his soulful eyes.

_We all had our lives and futures changed _

_Some of us mine in subtle ways others Trina.._

I looked away as a cold wind went through my very soul. Andre could never understand just how much my life changed . Rubbing my own arms I tried to warm up but nothing seemed to work it's way for me it's been that way for a long time now.

_So how have you been?_

_Where have you been?_

I hit his arm he smiled laughing I couldn't take my eyes off of him Andre had shaved his head he was building up now his biceps were huge he was starting to grow facial hair.

_Ew your not getting a goatee are you?_

_No man but why are you grossed out?_

_Uh yea I hate facial hair_

He laughed taping my arm then he brushed back my hair behind my ears.

_Well no worries babe I'm just been super busy_

_Haven't had time to shave_

_Oh likely excuse_

I laughed

_Oh no man it's for real_

_Yea busy with the ladies huh_

He laughed but not as hard there was a look in his eyes I recognized it cause it's the same look I had in mine for awhile.

_No man I'm focusing fully on school_

_I'm in my Junior year at UCLA_

_We all are_

A bitter taste formed in my mouth as I nodded everyone meant Jade.

_How is everyone?_

_Good man I was just coming to tell Tori_

_Don't let me stop you I already talked her ear off she'll be glad for a fresh voice_

Andre laughed sitting by her.

_Wassup Beautiful?_

Silence as usual.

_Tori's been very quiet today_

_So kay Tori Trina I like it when people listen it shows they care_

_So anyway Tori I just wanted to drop by and fill you in _

_I know you hate being left out or alone in the dark_

_I never want you to feel that way _

_So I brought something for you babe_

Andre pulled out a sparkling piece of jewelry shaped as a star around it was a array of pearls and rubies

All in a shaped V

_Little Tori made it for you _

_She's becoming like her aunt more and more everyday you should come see her she would _

_Love to see you we tell her all about you she asks for you constantly she's so cute_

I had heard Jade and Beck had a little girl before I graduated and they named her Victoria West Oliver.

_She's always dancing on tables and singing Jade and Beck have their hands full with her she's already_

_Playing guitar and learning piano she'll be a HAHS for sure_

_I just found out that Jade's screenplay is being made into a mini movie she's stoked of course and she asked me to the score for it which is sweet._

_Cat's playing the lead she has a killer song in it called I'm the one Remaining damn that girl can sing she's really come along way now she's shed her shyness she's budding into a real star Tori she has a music video out for her song Put your hearts up she's dating a rapper he seems cool._

_Cat's really excelled at dancing she just got a world tour with a dance troupe she created it she calls it _

_IMV or In Memory of V their really taking off babe._

_Chiz I gotta go back to class but I promise I'll be by later kay Tori..._

She didn't answer but Andre bent down and kissed her my eyes never left him should I tell him..shouldn't I ?

_Trina it's been great seeing you please keep in touch we all miss you crazy antics and all.._

**And I'm the one remaining knowing the past can't be undone...**

Lyrics from that song Cat sings filledmy head he took my hands. I smiled promising him that I would even though I really didn't plan on doing so not in physical form. I watched him grab his bag he had no idea that I did keep track on everyone that's how I knew Cat's song. Getting up heading off to his car my mind lingered back to that night so many imagines so many memories.

**And I'm the one remaining remembering the night I fell in love**

_Mommy ! Mommy!_

My head instantly cleared as my son came running up yelling for me my throat caught as Andre turned to look at the young boy running over he was taller then most kids everyone wanted him to model but he just loved dance he was already prepping for a competitive dance team.

With his height and baby face those deep milk chocolate eyes high check bones he was a beautiful child he had a head full of

Dark curly hair which he wouldn't wear in any other way then braids.

Andre stood in shock looking closely at me his reaction was what I excepted what I was trying to avoid as I reached down to scoop my child up he looked at us both I trickled his stomach as he giggled.

_Mommy and daddy are together!_

No please he didn't just say ..I opened my eyes Andre was looking at me confused shocked and scared full of disbelief.

_Did little man just say_

_Oh you know kids their always yapping _

_Can never tell what their trying to say_

_Daddy ..he looks like daddy ..daddy Andre_

_You showed me photo's ma pictures of you him and Auntie Tori_

Oh kill me now..I gulped he was too smart for me sometimes mom said it was a bad idea to show him to tell him why didn't I listen?

_Okay I can explain_

_Well explain!_

_Wait no you don't have to so just tell me_

_Is this little dude saying I'm his father?_

_Yes.._

_Stop pacing Trina_

_Yea mommy I'm getting dizzy from your pacing _

_Sorry_ ..

_Trina what the hell_

_It happened Dre I mean it wasn't planned we were drunk we were partying hard we had sex and I got pregnant.._

_Why didn't you tell me!_

_So much happened Andre there was so much going on after-wards I just ..I was scared you were so angry and I had so much pain._

_I just I promised when I graduated that I would never look back and I didn't I went to NYC I didn't _

_Know I was even pregnant till three months after I was in NYC._

_I'm sorry I should of I know I should of .._

_Never mind that talk to me now_

_What's your name little dude?_

He looked at our son who looked confused

_Go ahead tell him little man it's okay_

_You said never talk to strangers mommy _

_Yes I did buddy but he's not a stranger he's your daddy Andre Harris_

_H..i.._

_Well hello little dude nice to meet you_

_You to mommy I'm hungry!_

_Want me to take him so you can spend time with Tori_

_You sure? _

_Yea it would be awesome_

_So what's your name?_

_I'm Victor Harris Vega And I'm this many!_

He held up five fingers Andre gave him a high five and he laughed. I watched as they left hand in hand turning back to my sister I sighed.

_Well that went better then excepted I guess you were right Tori honesty is the best _

_Policy I know your laughing telling me I told you so _

_oh Tori.._

Getting up I leaned down running my hand over my sister's headstone the only thing that remained of my once vibrant larger then life sister I read the dates.

**June 8th 1994 – April 17th 2012**

They were much too short they shouldn't be so close together Anger filled my soul.

**Little sister I miss ya sometimes you keep me up all night long/**

**When your memory comes to me if it don't kill me man it makes me strong**

**Little sister now you'd be 18 posing in your graduation dress / it's probably better were not together**

**This world's on fire, it's a f...ed up mess**

**Do your wings fit good?**

**Can you fly?**

**It's almost like you carry me**

**Little Angel watching over me**

**Save me from the danger I can't see/Always let me know where I'm suppose to be**

**When I'm in my darkest place**

**Whoa**

**Your my light my saving grace**

**Might be a angel but you'll always be / Little sister/ Little sister/ I'm here for ya**

_I should be going Tori _

_I have so much going on Victor needs me but I just can't let go_

_I have all these imagines in my head_

_That night is still so clear_

_I remember being plastered and talking to a panda ..I vaguely remember Andre pulling me to dance our bodies were so close the feel of us pressed together lite me up he lead me to a room_

_There was so much noise and so many people but it was just us and I know Andre always liked you he talked about you all night Tor I mean it even when we were.._

_When the gun shot rung out we were getting dressed there was so much noise so many people running around ..then she comes in she was breathless covered in blood ..your blood but I didn't know it then she was in shock she kept saying "it wasn't suppose to be her" we tried to help her get her into a room. _

_Andre took the gun and made me sit her down talk to her she just kept saying it over and over._

"_it wasn't suppose to be her"_

_Then Robbie came running in he was white as a sheet_

_Rex kept talking ..we couldn't get him to make sense_

_There were kids screaming blood so much blood_

_Oh god Tori I was trying to help this girl and ..the whole time she knew_

_That bitch knew the person she shot.._

_Robbie said the words_

_I didn't want to believe him I was freaking out_

_All I saw was blood so much.._

Tears were rolling down my face I was shaking everything was a jumble in my head.

_His words haunted me _

_Trina it's Tori...Tori's been shot_

_I remember racing to the room and Jade was there over your body_

_She was covered in your blood she was white as a sheet and you were laying there so pale_

_So bloody so much blood Tori I can't get that out of my head how can you lose so much blood and survive? _

_You weren't breathing I tried to do CPR_

_but..._

I broke down hard crying it wasn't fair Tori should be here with us she should be going to UCLA with the rest of her classmates. She should be going out on dates she should be alive it's not fair that her friends got to live their lives have their kids and have their dreams come true and where is my sister?

That's why I left this blasted town too many memories wasn't the problem for me it's the fact that I will never get to make new memories with her she had so many dreams we had so many dreams and now I'm left here to carry them on to see that Tori wasn't just some Hollywood dreamer.

I need to show people how amazing my sister was and to make sure her death wasn't in vain.

The only cold comfort I had at all was knowing that her killer was locked up and that she'll spend the rest of her miserable pathetic life paying for what she did.

I don't care if she thinks she's innocent . She killed Tori and I will never forgive her.

**If you ever need to talk to me not gonna keep you / just love to see you**

**Is there anyway they'll let you leave?/ Do your wings fit good? Can you fly?/ **

**It's almost like I feel you carry me/ Little Angel always watching over me/ Save me from the danger I can't see/ Always let me know where I'm suppose to be/ When I'm in my darkest place/ Whoa/ Your my light / your my saving grace/ might be...**

_They say what don't kill ya makes you stronger all _

_I can say is you are the reason I now have my wings_

_Your my Angel my saving grace you drive me crazy but I love you Tori .._

_I wish I could see you cause no matter what you will always be my little sister.._

**I'm the one just saying knowing the past can't be undone**

**And I'm the one remaining Everything changes now that your gone**

**No matter what I try to mask I can't explain the past **

**And the love that you given me staring out at a open road I've been broken**

**I don't want to look back and face it honestly...**


	13. Chapter 13 Get Me Out

**Get Me Out**

**Sam's p.o.v**

It's cold in this cell no matter what I cover myself with . I can't get warm and it isn't just because of the temperature. It's a cold from deep inside.

It's knowing that because of choices I made in my youth I'm gonna pay for it for the rest of my life.

_Sup Gurl what got ya trippin'?_

_Just thinking again Grande what about you?_

_Chillin tryin to get throu anotha day ya know_

_Yea I do you make anything good?_

_Fro sure 360 on contraband _

_Sweet sweet_

I high fived her the only way we could against a cold wet concrete wall I grinned stretching out even though she couldn't see me grinning. I felt my bones creaking everything hurt so bad my shoulders were on fire from so much yard work. My neck was stiff and now matter how hard I tried to crack it these bones were stubborn and did what they wanted.

_You still trippin Lil 'P?_

_Yea I know it's pointless but damn I just..I did so much chiz in my life most I'm not proud of but I didn't do this.._

_Drunk or high I know what I do man fro real_

_I've shot a gun before plenty of times when _

_I was messed up even then I always have perfect aim _

_I never miss who I'm aiming for I know_

_It in my soul I'm innocent_

_I just want to know who the eff did this who robbed me of my life!_

I slammed my fist against the wall pissed burying my head in my fists.

Gentile Grande has been one of my home girls since we were little 8 yrs locked up in Kings together. I didn't need to see her to know she was shaking her head.

_I take responsibility for mine's ya know if I did it fine but I'm doing life for someone else crime it's just _

_Not right .._

My head hurt from thinking about it imagines raided my head I remember being at school with Carly and the nub, I remember being on the table rapping suckering kids out of money .. being in my Ferrari Carly was upset.. I remember going out to La for Spring Break.

I remember getting drunk I remember shooting up some crack and drinking more..I remember the beach .. the car..the party ..I remember dancing..Remember Tori and Carly talking. I remember the jealousy I felt when she flirted with Carly who returned it. I wanted to kill her..Carly was mine! I remember grabbing Carly kissing her her lips were so sweet ..I wanted her so bad. We made love in almost every room she was amazing her body so warm and soft so sweet she loved me in all the right ways in every wrong way. I remember drinking so much and shooting up so much that Carly was getting pissed we fought bad..her words still stung..still brought tears to my eyes shame to my heart. I left grabbing a bottle of Absolute on my way out smoking a blunt as I shot up , I got drunker and drunker everything was a blur..mixed images pain in my head I was sick to my stomach I was with someone else but who?

Then there was loud noises ..blood screams then it was all black when I woke up it was Saturday Carly wasn't there I stumbled to remember as everything blurred.

My forehead felt heavy and hot as I struggled to remember but like everyday for the last five years it was all a blank a big fat painful frustrating blank.

I groaned as a guard called my last name standing up. I took the position they searched me and made me walk out backwards after they cuffed me we walked in formation .


	14. Chapter 14 Circle The Drain

**Circle The Drain**

**Carly's p.o.v**

**This is the last time you say**

"_Carly come on you need to eat _

_N..o I had lunch_

_Carly it's breakfast and Alcohol is not lunch_

_Go away_

_Carly please lets go_

Freddie pulled me up into a sitting position but everything span he held me making me sip water.

_Well that went well_

Wendy commented as I finished puking into the garbage can after the fifth time.

_You could of told me she would do that _

_Yea but your expression was worth not telling_

Freddie glared as he went to change Wendy and I chuckled as she helped me lay down .I saw the look in her eyes full of sadness and pain she ran a cloth over my face the wetness of it all felt amazing and I told her so she laughed.

_Carly why are you doing this?_

_You have a great career a great school pretty awesome friends why are you destroying your life?_

_Talk to me_

She brushed my hair back I stared into her eyes she was genuinely concerned .

_Carly is there something you can't tell Freddie maybe I can help_

_No one can help me Wendy_

_Try us..try me baby I love you Carly your a great friend to me..I wanted more but I know Sam has your heart..Is it cause of Sam?_

I stared past her she sighed

_I knew it you never stopped loving Sam..she's in jail Carly for life.._

_She killed somebody she.._

_N..o don't_

_Shut-up about her you have no idea_

No one did no one ever could guess the guilt I carried with me.

_Carly don't blame yourself you got in a fight Sam had a lot of issues it's not your fault she thought violence would solve them._

_Wendy please shut-up_

_Carly.. Sam_

_Just shut-up!_

I screamed pushing her away as I struggled to the bathroom collapsing on the floor in tears as the memories over flowed against my struggle to keep them in. the cold tiles felt cool against my hot skin and the salty tears mixed with the foul taste of vomit.

**After the last line you break **

**It's not even a holiday **

**Nothing to celebrate**

**You give a hundred reasons why**

**And say you're really gonna try**

**If I had a nickle for every time**

**I'd own the bank**

We were already drunk when we got to the party beyond plastered Sam more then me my high was wearing down but she was ready to party. I knew she had shot up at least three times it always scared me when she was reckless like that she was beautiful, sexy and smart talented. I hated her abusing her body like that.

Sam always swore she would never use again we had so many fights over it. She would tell me she loved me and would change and she would mean it she really would to but somehow she would fall again.

We had danced on the tables someone handed her a blunt she knew I wasn't happy about it but she swore one smoke and I'm all yours.

I believed her cause well I was plastered and horny and hell she looked so sexy in her nakedness.

Her long hair flowing to her back as I pulled her close feeling her body pressed to mine kissing her neck sucking on it. She had thrown the blunt away she had turned to me and kissed me so passionately. I remember clear as day taking her hand leading her into a private room where we started doing things to each others bodies. Things that were definitely a sin her moans and squeals of pleasure had filled me with happiness I loved making her happy and knowing my simple touch could do that gave me a cocky hard ass edge.

**Thought I was the exception**

**I could rewrite your addiction**

**You could have been the greatest **

**But you'd rather get wasted**

**Chorus**

**You fell as fell asleep during foreplay**

" _Sam baby_

I shock her as I noticed that she wasn't moving or responding to my lips on her lower half. My tongue had been working her G-spot hard she had been moaning so hard I thought she would explode at any moment. Then just like that she stopped.

Crawling up next to her I saw she was passed out a few cusses escaped as I covered myself with the sheets feeling a sadness take over my soul wasn't I enough for her? Why did she have to use drugs? I was suppose to be the one that gave her a high naturally sexually not illegal, I watched her sleeping she looked so restless, I knew she had nightmares and for once I was glad she didn't deserve to sleep peacefully.

Embarrassed by the whole event I was so glad no one had seen tears welled up. I just wanted to be loved to have someone who loved me more then anything or anyone. I thought I found that with Sam.

**Cause the pills you take are**

**More your Forte**

Most of the time Sam showered me in love and affection she didn't have a lot of money but she worked her odd jobs which I never questioned. I didn't want to know what illegal chiz she did to earn it. She always had enough saved up to take me out to eat somewhere nice every week even if she acted like she had nothing all week she always came through every week. For my birthday this year she bought me a diamond necklace of three hearts one represented the past one the present one the future each had a letter in them it spelled out Cam which is our nickname.

We had been together since we were 15 but u had known her forever.

I was a year older and more mature but she always took care of me protected me physically she loved when I called her Momma so I took the nickname baby.

Things started to change this year Sam had been in Juvie at least 26 times since she was 8 but that year alone she was in a total of 13 times from petty things like stealing a ham for thanksgiving dinner to more serious crimes like car theft ,assault, public intoxication she was drinking so heavily that it was scaring me. I mean she's been heavily drinking since she was 11 her mom always had so much around the house she had easy access to it. This year though her demons seem to take over, I knew she was scared we were seniors soon our lives would change I was accepted into NYC, UCLA, one in France and one in Boston . One in London she didn't even know if she would pass 12th grade she didn't want to be split up she didn't want to hold me back . She didn't talk to me about this but I knew I saw it in her eyes felt it in her touch . I saw it in her journal and it broke my heart.

I begged her to quit drinking to stop using she told me she would try but less then a month later .. she shot up when we were starting our senior year at a back to school party. She was drunk and some of her hood friends were there she listened to them when they said it would help her get her cool back.

I was so angry I ripped the needle from her hands and I was screaming she just laughed telling me I was cute when I was mad and drunk..she had kissed me..I melted ..we made love.. I forgave her.

By this time I was sick of her games it was my birthday I just wanted to feel important to her..here she goes and falls asleep..she chose drugs over me...

**I'm not sticking around to watch **

**You go down**

**Wanna be your lover**

**Not your fucking mother**

**Can't be your savior**

**I don't have the power **

**I'm not gonna stay **

**And watch you circle the drain**

**Watch you circle the drain**

It was always the same she got high or drunk she woke up sicker then sick puking so hard she would pass out going into convulsions. I would stay with her keep her steady so she wouldn't hit her head then I would clean her up stay with her while she got sick held her while she cried her eyes out afraid she was turning into her mom.

She would promise me to change every time she puked into the damn bowel she swore it was the end I would tell her I loved her I was there for her.

Once she was done I would undress her bathe her put her to bed and stay with her.

By the next morning she would make me breakfast as I ate she would write some new rhyme. She loved music it was her passion her savior her confidence. She said it was her dream it was what was going to get her out of the hood. She wasn't going to be like her mom wasting her life getting nowhere except drugs jail and sex.

I believed her maybe I was a fool cause I knew she had the odds stacked against her she came from the worst hood where drugs and prostitutes and gangs crawled in every corner she had no parents no supervision yet she had dreams .I thought she had me I could be everything to her.

**You say it helps you write your rhymes**

**Whatever helps you sleep at night**

**You've become what you despise **

**A stereotype**

**You think you're so rock and roll**

**But you're really just a joke**

**Had the world in the palm of your hands**

**But you fucking choked**

**Should have been my teammate**

**Could of changed your fate**

**You say you love me**

**You won't remember in the morning **

**Chorus x 2**

Kissing her lips I caressed her I wonder what it felt like to wake up tasting yourself on someone else's lips.. then feel the sting of their palm against your face. I saw her eyes wide with shock felt my own rage overtaking me as I shock she sat up dazed and confused as she looked at me.

_Did it hurt?_

She couldn't respond as she stared at me speechless holding her face.

_Good I hope it hurts worse then the headache worse then the stomach ache your going to have_

_Carly what the.._

_Yeah that's what I say Sam_

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

I grabbed my clothes dressing as quickly as I could pissed off beyond belief.

_I've given you everything food shelter love and undivided attention I came out _

_Publicly for you and you know how much courage that it took from me_

_I spent hours helping you but for what so you can do this!_

_You wasted all my time and energy Sam for what drugs and booze you always_

_Tell me you hate your mom you hate how she lives well wake up Sam_

_Cause were not kids anymore it's time to grow up your becoming just like her_

_Carly.._

_Don't Sam don't Carly me.._

She scrambled after me well as fast as she could in her messed up state naked she tried to grab me following me towards the door.

_You were everything to me Sam_

_I fucking love you I have done everything for you_

_All I wanted was one special night _

_Just one special memory of our time in high school before we go away_

_What did you give me?_

She tried to grab me but I was heated I shoved her so hard she fell hitting the floor. I saw anger and confusion flash in her eyes but she would never hurt me or strike me back which I guess was lucky on my part cause if I was anyone else she would of pounded them bloody.

_Happy Birthday to me Sam_

_I'll give myself a present from you_

_Distance cause were done I can't take it anymore I need peace.._

Her eyes flashed something I never saw before ' fear' she got up shaking. I watched her standing there naked and vulnerable. I felt so much pity for her but not because she had it rough but cause she truly had no idea just how bad she had messed up this time.

_Carly please I'm so sorry I love you_

_I promise I'll change I will do anything_

_Don't do this please I'll go to school I'll go to rehab _

_I'll quit cold turkey just please don't leave me_

_Save it Sam just save it you've made so many promise's to me_

_All they are is lie after lie you don't want to change and until you do I'm better off_

_Without you_

_I need stability Sam I need someone who loves me first and puts me first not Drugs and booze_

_Were done Samantha I'm out I want your chiz out of my room when we get home_

_Were over.._

She was crying shaking on the floor grabbing my ankles her tears burned my freshly shaved legs and they tore at my heart she thought it was so easy for me to do this but it was the hardest decision I ever made. It broke my heart to do it I loved her with everything I had and I honestly thought it was the only thing that would save her.

If she didn't have me to cover for her she would have to make a choice save herself and come back to me or stay on the streets with her pills and liquor.

Looking at her I felt disgusted how could someone sink so low need something that bad they would lose everything even freedom over it.

She had already been busted 6x for drugs she knew the consequences she had just gotten out of jail after a stint of months the cops were just waiting to bust her again.

Shaking my head I shock her off grabbing her shoulders pulling her up so she was kneeling in front of me. Naked and vulnerable I looked into her eyes which were glazed over dilated but I saw beyond that I saw her fears hopes and dreams . I saw the girl I loved who just wanted to be loved. I kissed her hand I squeezed them they were cold and clammy she was coming off her high, Soon she would be sick.

_Good-bye Sam_

_Get some help.._

_Carly please I love you_

I turned at the doorway and swallowed telling the biggest lie I had ever told back then.

_Well I don't love you anymore_

I stared at her hard she chocked as she started crying collapsing on the floor. I shut the door leaning against it as my own tears poured out. Her cries broke my heart I had to leave before I regretted it so I took off.


	15. Chapter 15 Lockdown

**Lock-down**

**Sam's p.o.v**

" **Everyone knows you can't stop time**

**But that doesn't mean you'll stop me from trying**

" _She hates me Spencer _

_She hates me absolutely hates me_

_Sam she honestly doesn't she's hurting really bad you have to give her time_

I looked at the man I once called my big brother as he sat across from me in the small plastic chair which were more then a little uncomfortable. He had aged from all of this was he serious? Did he just say give her time?

_Well your in luck cause all I gots is time_

He flinched

_Sorry poor choice of words_

I shrugged as he held my hand a small jester but one more then anyone else ever did to me so I appreciated it none the less a small sigh escaped my lips as I took it all in. The visiting room full of people looking scared and anxious some sad, it looked like any other visiting room in America girlfriends, boyfriends, kids, parents, brothers , sisters, grandparents, all visiting loved ones they came in with hugs and kisses all shapes all colors they wore many different expressions some shocked , scared first timers or as we called them visiting virgins or vv, then there were the ones who were use to this Regulars , the ones who were sick of this but came out of loyalty, the difference their loved ones all wore the state mandated numbered orange jumpsuits with the same hopeless expressions. Hardened from a life inside a Maximum Security prison.

_Sam I know it's hard you can't just quit though_

_Socko he has a cousin Privo he's a private detective_

_He's been working on your case since you got arrested he's close_

_He thinks he'll be able to prove your innocent _

I looked at him was he playing me? Cause that was cruel he looked at me watching my reaction wanting to hug me but he couldn't so he squeezed my hand. Spencer was the only one who believed in me but did it matter?

Belief didn't reverse a jury's decision of guilty beyond reasonable doubt it didn't change the judge's sentence of Death by legal injection and Life in Prison without the possibility of parole. It didn't take away the reality of spending the rest of my life in the ASU of a Maximum security prison did it?

No cause at the end of it all I still had to live among what society deemed as the worst of the worst the ones so violent and dangerous they have to be separated from the general prison population. I still had to watch my back to make sure no one jumped me jack my chiz what little of it I had. It didn't erase the barb wire electric fence warm the chill of the night air..Nothing changed it.

It did feel nice to know someone cared enough about me to fight for me I was starting to forget what that felt like.

_I brought you a little something_

I perked up a bit Spencer always brought me the best gifts he pulled out a pack of fresh sliced ham. My smile was as much as a rewarded to him as his ham was to me, he looked around and kissed my forehead.

_Wait before you dig in_

He pulled out a bottle of anti-bacteria hand soap I flinched as it burned my raw skin filled with cuts and blisters. I could see the sadness in his eyes as he tenderly rubbed my hands, I forced a smile telling him it was cool as I shoved ham inside my mouth.

_Whoa tiger one at a time don't choke_

I grinned but looked around a few inmates were eying my ham like hook me up Puckett before I jack it but no one was touching it. Spencer took it handing me one piece at a time making sure I chewed and swallowed as he laughed.

His hands felt amazing as he massaged my cramped neck and shoulders as he told me all about what life on the outs was like as of late. Who was dating who what was happening in the land of celebrities, he told me about Freddie and Carly and Gibby and Wendy it made me sad to know they had moved on without me even forgot about me, yet I was happy as well cause I loved them and wanted them to do well I was glad they were successful and happy they earned it. Still it was a cold reminder of how easily I was replaced.

Visitation ended too soon as we got up we were allowed a quick hug as long as a guard was watching . He kissed my head saying.

_Stay strong little sister stay strong_

_I'll get you out someday soon_

I nodded unable to speak thanks to the lump in my throat . As he was lead out I watched him leave sadness filled my heart how much I wanted to leave again. To say good-bye to this hell hole and never look back.

_Puckett time to go_

I sighed throwing the wrapper away hands behind my back head down I shuffled back to my cell out of the room single file. We headed out into the heavily locked halls.

We passed the courtyard where a B-Ball game was going on between 8 or 9 women others were spread out at tables or against the fence, the sun was out shining it looked like a beautiful day but I would never know for sure cause the most you could see from the yard was a teasing glimpse of the last rays of the sun.

As we passed cells inmates banged on the bars shouting chiz out putting up gang symbols insults challenges . I ignored them all as I reached my cell in ASU [ Administrative Segregation unit] we didn't have cell mates cause they believed our crimes were so bad or that our behavior inside was so disruptive that we couldn't function with other inmates. Sometimes it got lonely I missed interacting with people. I missed high fiving, holding hands, talking with my head bent into them or just hugs, yet other times I loved it cause quite frankly people just pissed me off, I was too quick to get into fights which just lead to more trouble.

I felt sick from all the ham I had eaten , I knew I shouldn't of shoved it in like that but it was so salty it tasted amazing. I had stopped eaten around here a long time ago the food was nasty . So I had lost tons of weight. If Spencer didn't bring me food every week I would be dead. They didn't give a chiz around here if we starved . Why should they we were criminals even though we all swear we didn't do it. The sound of the door being clanged shut echoed in my ears making me sick.

A rattle from next door startled me it was my cellie next door signaling to me. I knocked back crawling to the vent on the floor it's how we communicate around here.

_Sup whats good Momma?_

_Nothin' you chile?_

_Ok ya know same ol' chiz just hangin' tough you?_

_Trying to maintain _

_Working on New lyrics chile?_

_Yea fro sure_

_Cool ya have to share them_

_Yea sometime_

_What's wrong Chile?_

She's always called me chile never by my name it was her way of surviving she didn't get too attached to anyone didn't need to know names, ages or what they were in for. So when she lost them she didn't shed no tears. It may seem cruel or stupid to some but when they are facing what we are you learn to adapt. You find your own way to get through it.

_Just sad I guess Spencer thinks he can prove my innocence_

_So that's a reason to celebrate_

_When you get out show all em hater's _

_How talented you really are them lyrics you have there chile _

_They gonna take you far No matter what they credit you for you know who you are_

_Yea well that's a long shot_

_I mean they have me confession on tape even thou I don't remember that_

_It's a blessing darlin' cause I remember every freaking detail of my crimes and it hurts me chile_

_Right here_

I couldn't see her but I knew she was pointing to her heart. I wondered for the hundredth time was she right? I mean it was eating me inside to be accused of taking a girl's life..a friend's life..knowing everyone saw me as a killer but..to not remember..was it suppose to help me sleep? Cause it didn't..sure I didn't scream and thrash around from agonizing nightmares the way she did..Minja Allison was 45 and she was serving 2 consecutive life sentences for the double homicide of her boyfriend Kenneth and his girlfriend Denise when she came home and caught them in her bed. She was pregnant with their second child. She wasn't drunk or high so she remembers every second coming in to find them in bed grabbing a knife she slashed his throat cut his private parts off and stabbed him 10 times then she went after her. Chasing her through the apartment punching her while she cried and pleaded she cut her breasts off then stabbed her 6 times before the cops got there after neighbors called.

Would it be harder to live with those images and sounds? Would it be better to know for sure you killed somebody? To know your the reason someone's life ended? To hear their last breath, last words last tears and to see the fear in their eyes. To know your the reason someone is missing their loved ones why a parent is childless a brother or sister missing their sibling? Sometimes I think it would be cause at least you know your serving justice for what you did. But this way just to have the word of other people.. people who didn't know you who judged you based on what they think they saw or heard it's hell.

_Chile if this man thinks he can help you hold on_

_Don't let em beat you down you have the power inside_

A rattle inside shut us up guards were coming quickly. I got up going to lay down my head hurt a little less. My stomach not so much my heart was lifted a bit maybe chiz could get better couldn't get worse could it?

I looked over my lyrics scratched some out and re-wrote them.


	16. Chapter 16 Finding The Truth

**Spencer's p.o.v**

**Finding The Truth**

_Thanks for coming Privo_

_For you Shay anytime_

_Why the grim look ..you said you have the evidence I needed _

_Do you?_

He looked at me sighing as we sat down I paced my little apartment it was small just big enough for me and Carly if she ever chose to visit which she never did.

Why did Privo look so questionable? Did he have what he said? I had never used him before so I had no idea if he was any good or not. Could he really find evidence to clear Sam when the police found everything to prove she was guilty? I trusted him cause he was Socko and Taylor's cousin but maybe I should of saved up more hired a professional here in La. Expect I used up most of my money to move from Seattle to La so I could be here for Sam's trial ..which was a joke no one stood up to defend her her lawyer was a court appointed one who barely knew her name, they painted her out to be some kind of monster, but I knew better Sam was wild she was reckless she was tough as nails but she was not a killer. She was just a scared 17 year old at the time fighting for her life but they didn't care they saw a parent less kid with a long Juvenile record who was out of control smoking weed, drinking, selling drugs, doing hard drugs herself having underage, sex ,fighting so they moved her straight to adult court. She had no hope of winning they railroaded her then took the damn train and drove over her. Everyone of that girl's friends people Sam had trusted took the stand to talk about what a angel Tori was how their lives were touched by having her in their lives and how her death had changed them. How Sam deserved to pay not one person asked Sam if she did it but they all took their shots yelling at her telling her she was worthless and cold-hearted. The prosecution claimed she was faking her memory loss that she was a manipulative cold blooded killer.

I saw through it I saw her fear and confusion I saw the hurt when Carly turned her back and walked out never looking back. Which to this day still baffled me.

I watched how prison changed Sam she stopped eating she was skin and bones now. She lost hope she gave up on love she lost that sparkle that made Sam, Sam she also became tougher she bulked up she got into fights all the time not the simple kiddie fight she did in school fights now ended in blood shed she had to defend herself from being raped, stabbed or beaten.

Her hands were full of cuts and bruises, sprains it killed me she stopped doing her hair she stopped showering she was depressed all the time she tried to kill herself three times. Prison didn't just change her it killed a part of her.

Worse though was Carly's rejection what didn't kill her in prison , Carly killed in her without even trying as much as I loved my little sister I could kill her for that.

_So Privo do you?_

_I have it man chill_

_So why are you sweating?_

_Do you remember what I told you when you first came to me?_

_You said a lot man I was in a bad place_

_Your not looking much better now man_

I glared it was true I looked rough well visiting someone you called a sister loved like one spend their youth locked away it will do that for you. I wondered how many birthdays Sam spent in Juvie she spent almost five in Prison alone. I bet if I added them all up it would be almost as long as she's been alive. Too many...she wouldn't spend another one in there if I could help it.

_I asked you if you were prepared to deal with what ever I found out_

_Yea I remember and I told you_

_Are you sure dude?_

I looked at him it couldn't be that bad.

_I have to know Yes I am prepared_

He sighed handing me the folder my breath sucked in.


	17. Chapter 17 High Maintenance Part 2

**High Maintenance Part Two**

**Carly's p.o.v**

" **I'm the color of your pallet**

**The sweetness on your tongue**

Okay so you know how some people just make your world more colorful? Yea well that was Sam. I was always the one to follow the rules and do what she was expected to. I freaked if I had to tell a little white lie but Sam she was a adventure seeker always breaking the rules and living life on the edge,

She brought a sweetness to my life that I can't explain she made my life more beautiful.

**You know how to work**

**I know how to have fun**

Sam hated work she found it stuffy and boring she preferred to get her kicks out of stealing cars or selling drugs. It wasn't so much the drugs as the chase from the police she loved getting over in the cops it gave her a unexplainable high a rush which kept her feeling alive for days. I tried to teach her about work but she would tell me all work and no play makes Carly a stiff in the mud.

**All I want is everything**

**Does that make me high Maintenance?**

All I wanted out of life was a good solid job that I loved enough money to live comfortably friends I trusted and family. Maybe it was too much to ask for cause life sure beat me at it's game.

I took another drink as tears pooled again my legs curled up to my knee's tears running down I pulled the covers over me tighter, they had no idea. I had this bottle hidden they thought I was asleep. Too bad for them I never sleep anymore.

I use to try but it was too painful.

_Carly …_

I cussed softly trying to hide the gin as I sprayed my breath before yelling to come in.

_Spencer!_

My eyes popped out of my head as my brother who I hadn't seen in years came inside.

I scrambled up in a state of shock as he came over slowly my eyes scanned him he had gotten older buffer he had stubble's of facial hair his hair was up to his neck he looked thinner.

_Hey kid-o_

_Hey Spence_

I went to him and he pulled me into a strong embrace, it felt so amazing to hold him.

_Carly babe I can't believe it's been four years_

_I know Spencer I'm sorry I.._

_Shh I understand_

His eyes looked at me softly I felt ashamed I didn't earn his pity he could never understand not really.

_I know why you stayed away_

_Spence it has nothing to do with you_

_Your the best brother I could ever _

_No I'm not pretty horrible really_

I was shocked to hear the sadness in his voice when I looked into his eyes I saw a deep regret and pain.

_Spencer how can you say that_

_Your the funniest sweetest most awesome brother_

_I've been a horrible sister to you_

_Carly stop the whole problem was that maybe I was too funny maybe I wasn't strict enough_

_Maybe I trusted you too much_

I swallowed what was he talking about? Fear filled me. I hated hearing him so hard on himself . Spencer had always been amazing to me he saved me when Mom died and dad left.

_What do you mean?_

He looked at me hard sighing I felt him run in his hand over my face through my hair. I shivered he was taking me in, I prayed he wouldn't see through me. He would hate me be ashamed of me, I couldn't take that.

_Carly I know_

He said it so soft but so matter of fact that sent tremors through me.

_Wha-t are you_

_Carly I know your scared I know you_

He brushed back his own hair sighing..I closed my eyes.

_You can't keep going on Carly not like this_

_You need help _

_I'm fine_

_No your not cause it's 2 in the afternoon_

_Freddie says you've been like this for three days drinking and sleeping getting sick_

_You need to talk to someone_

_No I'm not I'm fine_

_Carly your as far from fine as possible_

_Your carrying around so much guilt _

_Spencer you have no idea what _

_Carly I know your responsible stop lying_

_Just tell me the truth_

_The truth about what Spencer?_

I was getting pissed what was he talking about?

_Carly stop.._

I looked up as Freddie came in sighing .. I looked to him..

_Spencer has proof Carly just admit it_

_Proof what are you_

_Carly he knows you killed Tori and let Sam take the fall_

_NO! Your lying I would never do that!_

_Calm down Carly please stop_

_No stop lying! I wouldn't..I would never..._

Freddie sighed..

_Carly are you drinking again?_

_No stop accusing me of chiz_

_Were not.._

_Yes you are!_

_Freddie what's going on? Stop yelling at her she's upset_

Spencer wrapped me in a hug holding me kissing my head as I broke down. As soon as he moved my bottle fell out shattering on the floor I squealed Freddie saw it sighing.

_This explains it all_

_Explains what?_

Spencer was pissed as he cuddled me talking softly.

_She isn't suppose to be drinking_

Everything felt hazy I closed my eyes letting the sweet escape of blackness take hold of me.

_Look who's awake hey sleeping beauty_

Spencer kissed my forehead as I shifted my eyes felt heavy as I yawned getting up.

_Relax Carl's relax_

Spencer lifted me up as I stretched Wendy came inside handing me a little plastic cup.

_Take these meds baby_

I nodded as the truth hit me hard..tears came out again as she held me kissing my head. Spencer came up listening to us.

_Carly please trust me tell me what happened_

_I can't..I can't_

_Shh baby I'm here trust your brother_

Looking into his eyes I saw how concerned he was about me Freddie and Wendy were by me holding my hands sighing I nodded my maybe it would do me good to help me to talk.

**I crashed your new Ferrari **

**Baby fix the dents**

**Does that make me high maintenance?**

**No o-o-o-o**

**I don't think so**

" _It was Friday morning Sam had been locked up in Juvie she was coming home..I remember being so thrilled cause she had been locked up for over three months on drug and theft charges . I went a little crazy without her._

Rubbing my head as I thought back I felt all the anxiety building up sighing. I leaned closer to Spencer who wrapped his arm around me trying to protect me, which made me feel worse. If he only knew you can't fix what's been broken for such a long time.

_Carly go on and tell us_

A long sigh escaped my lips as I retook up telling my story .

_I was under so much stress it was unreal everyone was hounding me about my college choices and I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't decide if I went to Seattle U. I would miss out on the chance to grow independent but if I went away to France I would miss Sam her grades were so bad she would have been lucky to make it past 12__th__ I knew I was her only hope to stay straight I was her mom basically and I didn't want to fail her._

_When she got out I wanted to talk to her about staying straight I was willing to do anything to get through to her that's why I dressed as sexy as I did I knew she would calm down when she saw me looking hot. She seemed ready it was the first time I had seen her truly scared and sorry she said the judge told her one more time and she would be sent across the street to county that the court was sick of her coming in and out..he was sick of her whole family..she told me how she felt so much better sober and that she was sick of feeling like chiz because of the drugs . So I offered to pay for rehab if she promised to stay straight and focus on school and getting her life together._

_What did Sam say baby?_

Freddie looked to Wendy who asked the question smiling as I remembered I answered.

_She said yes but she didn't want to take my money she said she would get a job and pay for herself ...I told her she had to stay sober to be able to focus on school and that she could pay me back later if she just went to rehab then..she finally agreed._

_She was so quiet in school I had to leave her to go check in with my guidance counselor but I was still worried it's always hard on her first day back after Juvie my G.C wanted me to see me cause she was pressuring me to go to the Paris school the one Sam didn't want me to go to..I was getting pissed cause everyone wanted a say in my life ..I was the only one who didn't get a say._

Someone was stroking my hair putting a blanket around me..

_Relax babe just relax_

_It's so hard to do this_

_I know kid I know but it needs to be done for both of you_

_I know Spence I know.._

I sighed as I closed my eyes counting.

_I remember just wanting to escape so bad everywhere I went to every class every teacher was talking to me about what a great chance I had to attend this school..I was sick of it Sam was doing everything to calm me down but my anger was just building up then some idiot in class was mocking me in cause I had no guts to take risks and that I was easy to work over._

_I lost it I grabbed Sam's keys and took off Sam and Freddie chased after me I was so pissed I didn't even wait for Sam when she was yelling at me. My mind was so blocked I didn't hear her say she had taken her mom's boyfriend's car and that he was a federal prosecutor ..I just jumped in and drove ..cross state lines..Freddie was freaking out yelling at me about all the laws I was breaking._

_Truth is I didn't care..I had no idea where I was driving to...I just wanted out of Seattle I needed an escape I was so wound up. I hadn't been able to sleep or eat. I just wanted everything to be perfect in my life..it was far from it. So we drove Sam said she knew a place in La where we could crash for a few days..so I drove till we needed gas..I didn't see her ..I had no idea Sam stole this dude's credit card..I thought it was Freddie's she just handed it to me I filled it up and it worked._

_When we got to La we were exhausted so we parked at the beach Freddie was pissed and ran off screaming like a girl._

_I was not screaming like a girl.._

_Shut-up Freddie I was there you were own it and get over it anyway Sam and I were alone so we went to the beach. I was pissed I was scared but mostly just free so she took me to a spot she loved down by the rocks we watched the waves crash, I took it all in I felt so much better we started to kiss and touch and ..we had sex like four times it was amazing I just felt so peaceful it's beyond words.._

_We took our party to the car then Freddie got in pissed with some hooker_

_She was not a hooker!_

_She was a drag queen .._

Freddie muttered the last part.

_Then Tori popped up Eventually she got a text about a party we figured why not_

_As soon as we got there Sam forgot about her promise she started drinking and smoking weed..she told _

_Me it was her last time just because of Spring break but I knew better she doesn't need a holiday or a _

_Reason to get high or drink she just likes the feelings of not feeling._

_We argued a bit ..off and on all night..then we made up.._

I smiled a bit despite myself remembering how amazing the make up was..

_We made up a lot that night at some point Jade was there we had a threesome, Sam was so jealous of us..she just felt it was disloyal to be with someone else but I was so drunk..I didn't care, I was kind of glad she was jealous, I hoped it would make her appreciate me more..to make her even more Jealous I was flirting with Tori and letting her kiss me and touch me just enough so Sam..._

_At some point we were dancing on table tops we just kept doing shots and we got so drunk I vaguely remembering Sam taking our clothes off and grabbing my hands we ran through one of the parks and I swear it was liberating not caring. We even hit the boulevard and started ringing up charges on that guys card. _

_We danced...we skinny dipped it was awesome..I never did before it it made me see that going away could be awesome..I could explore discover things about myself I couldn't if I stayed ..I wanted to talk to Sam to get her feelings out cause I knew as much as she didn't want me to go away she loved me enough to trust me and let me go if it's what I wanted. Expect she was beyond wasted I couldn't even keep her awake enough to..well never mind it just got me so mad..we fought like crazy ..she threw it back in my face about Jade..I ended it with us..it was the most heart breaking decision I ever made._

_I was devastated when I left and I started drinking again..at some point I realized I had Sam's pants on and I found..well I went to return them since they were too big on me anyway..I remember thinking how quiet it was and seeing that it was well past midnight into early Saturday morning..people had fallen asleep or left..it was still crowded still a party but not as tight..expect for the fight I walked in on..my mind is still fuzzy but I can recall watching Jade..choke Tori..I would of screamed expect it was too noisy..so I reached for whatever I had on me..I pulled something out it was cold and hard metal ..I fired I had no idea it was a real gun I thought it was her taser.. I aimed it at Jade_

_People were screaming running around ..I stumbled out..I felt someone grab me ..I saw Sam.. I started fighting her off . She grabbed the gun and I ran to the bathroom.. when she found me. I was sick shaken in shock.. we fought...I grabbed the keys ..she tried to slap me but she was more messed up then me so I took off in the car..she wiped the gun clean and shoved it in her jacket we fought all the way ..it was still dark and raining..I didn't see the red light..or the other car..._

I closed my eyes remembering the sound of squealing tires of crunching metal Freddie grabbed my hands sighing as he took over.

_I saw them take off so I followed when I saw them crash I'm not proud to say but I switched them I picked Carly up and put her where Sam was and I placed Sam in the place of the driver's seat..When the cops showed up I told them Sam was driving.._

Spencer and Wendy flinched Wendy even gasped.

_After they were released from the hospital they were arrested ..they found the gun Sam's drug paraphernalia they tested her bac at the hospital it was well over .011 ..I thought that because she was _

_17 and Carly had turned 18 that they would be more lenient on Sam since she was a minor ..except they weren't cause she was a chronic offender she was what they called a high risk offender plus Tori's dad is a cop so the whole police department was out to pin her murder on someone fast .._

_Sam's claim of not remembering didn't fly did it Freddie?_

_No sir I had no idea it was going to go so horrible neither of them remembered the next morning so I told the police .._

_What did you tell them Freddie?_

I licked my dry lips feeling nervous and sick..he looked away I could see it was eating him up inside.

_I told them ..the cops that I saw Sam shoot Tori cause she was jealous of Tori cause she had kissed Carly she didn't remember anything..I thought she'd get a year or two be out by the time she was 19 and her record would be wiped clean..I didn't know they would take away her juvenile status and charge her as a adult.._

_Yet they did Freddie in fact they gave her the death sentence _

_I swear I didn't know I didn't think it through I was so mad at her..I just didn't want Carly to face jail she can't handle it Sam...she's been in jail before she can handle it..a year or two wouldn't kill her.._

_I was so ashamed but I couldn't take it back I didn't want to go to jail...so I left I went to college and I abandoned her..I went on with my life but it's been haunting me every night I have nightmares..I saw what really happened...I thought I was going crazy …_

I heard what Freddie said I saw the pain and guilt in his eyes as I swallowed starting to talk..

_I was so confused Spencer I really had no idea but I was so mad at Sam how could she do it I would never cheat on her she was my world why didn't she believe in us? I started having nightmares about what happened I thought I was crazy so I started cutting myself .. I stopped eating..I missed her so bad I buried myself in school and work I did everything I could just to forget..I cried every night..I just had these intense shivers and cold flashes...I started throwing up all the time I couldn't keep anything down so I started popping pills and taking drugs it calmed me down._

Freddie stroked my hands as he took over he was sweating as he swallowed.

_I told her five months ago and she was so mad _

_I stopped talking to Freddie I was so mad I ended up having a mental break down while I was in the hospital I was put on medication.. I went to therapy..I remembered the guilt has been eating me up inside but if I turned myself in then Freddie goes down with me I couldn't ruin his life just to relieve mine.._

_By sacrificing Sam? _

Spencer exploded we flinched Wendy looked horrified I didn't blame her I was when he told me..I still am by the choices I made after. I never saw Spencer so mad,,he was beat red he was shaking his fist

were clenched it was scary..

_Let me ask has either one of you been to see her?_

We didn't answer..

_Of course not you two betray your best friend let her take a murder rap one you committed Carly not Sam! You knew Sam's record Freddie how could you even think she would get a lighter sentence? Are you that stupid? _

_She trusted you both Trust! _

_Something Sam Puckett didn't give to anyone_

_Now she's locked away behind prison bars do you have any idea what prison is doing to her? Do you have any idea what she thinks about when she's thinking about the fact that she's going to die for a crime she didn't do? Do you have any idea how she feels?_

Neither one of us spoke

_Course not cause her two best friends can't be bothered to pick up a phone or a pen never mind come see her.. do you have any idea what that does to someone?_

Spencer proceeded to tell us I flinched knowing all that Sam had been through it broke my heart ..tears pooled down how could I be so heartless so naive to think Sam was fine?

_She's so tough though she's a Puckett_

_She's 21 Freddie she was deprived of a childhood she was raised by a alcoholic mother who cared more about sex and drugs then about her kid..her dad's in jail for gang banging her cousins all gang bang most are in jail some dead...her streets are so bad she has to carry a piece to get home safe at night..how was she suppose to be? Then you two do this! No wonder she's given up she thinks you two hate her if she knew this she would kill herself for real this time...you know she's been on suicide watch for a year now.._

_That's what prison does to you by the way Freddie even the toughest break_

_So how did you expect Carly to mange Spencer?_

_You never gave me the chance to help her! She aimed at Jade it was self defense ! You blew that now! Damn you!_

_I could get Carly off I have friends in law I could make them see she had a mental breakdown but what your worried about Freddie is you.._

_Sam would be free …_

Spencer's eyes were cold as he stared through Freddie's own guilt ridden scared eyes.

_You...on the other hand saw a murder saw a car accident switched bodies tampered with evidence lied to the cops covered up a homicide ..you would go to jail for a long long time..so you mean I can't turn you in Fredward.._

Freddie nodded slowly Spencer looked at both of us I put my head back all my stress and worry seemed to melt away the thought of going to jail,,it didn't matter the thought of Sam being set free it was a relief.

I watched Spencer's face would he really turn me in? I was his little sister his flesh and blood..Sam wasn't what would he choice?


End file.
